Special Thanks to Sassenach,,,

A friend I've made through my blogstalking, her blog,

Mixed Up Beauty

is one of my favorite regular reads.
She found out I didn't have any pretty stitch markers (!) and sent me some she had made.


This fishy cracks me up. She sent me one of these, and it's my new default for marking where my stitches began when knitting in the round. I love this guy... the look on his face is PRICELESS!!!


These are lovely little stitch markers that say "love" and "live"... very appropriate...


She also sent five of these. They're lovely and sparkly and look like christmas balls! Really, really pretty.


She also sent me a gorgeous skein of sock yarn! I'm saving it for when I can actually make socks. Ha ha ha...

Thanks, Tiffany- you rock. I'm making her some mix cd's, as a thank you. Although it's gotten a little out of hand (as my making mix cd's often does) and I've now got about 6 to send to her!! :)

Long Overdue- My SP Rocks

I've been meaning to post photos of what my most fabulous One Skein SP sent me... and here they (finally) are!!


She sent a lovely card, a copy of The Time Traveler's Wife, which I have been dying to read, great post-it's with my first initial on them, which I've been using to make note in pattern books, and to remind myself of all sorts of things... and a $15 i-tunes gift card!!!! She rocks. I'm going to have a lot of mix cd's and books to swap with her when I finally know who she is!!


The gorgeous Fjord yarn from Crystal Palace... the colorway is stunning, and not done justice by the photos...



Ooga booga man, to help me stop smoking!!


Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! This was long overdue in posting, and her timing was fantastic- I received this on the anniversary of my husband's death, and she really brightened my day.

FUCK CANCER

I finished the chemo cap. I had to do it twice, and now I feel I finally have a handle on doing it in the round- the first try I did intarsia, and I found that in the round, (of course!!) my ends were in the wrong spot. I also realized that because of my knitting style, my 'f' looked all sorts of wrong.

So I re-did it... This time with the beginning of each chart I'd begin with a new piece of yarn, so I did it fair isle style, leaving me with lots of weaving in on each end. There was so much weaving in on each side that it was getting bulky, so I broke a cardinal rule of knitting and joined together two ends at a time and double knotted them. Not ideal, I know, but it got the job done, should hold, and prevented a large lump at the front of the hat.

I originally found the chart/idea on

The Anti-craft

Special thanks to defendedtoclick from knitty for the chart, which you can find

here

Here are some photos...






And here are my messy ends...

Join the Chemo Cap KAL

e-mail me or post a comment with your e-mail address if you'd like to join! It's a site for ideas for caps, completed caps, help with caps, and where to send caps!

Groundhog in the Garden...

He likes apples.


A friend took this- still sorting out some camera issues and will have photos of the lovely goodies my on-line friends and pals have sent me soon!!



Here are some more photos of him!



Groundhog in the garden!

A few More Hibiscus Photos

The good, the bad and the really ugly...

I had a really bad morning. Bad bad bad, bad bad, bad.
The sort where you want to break all your dishes. But that would have required walking to the kitchen, and I couldn't manage it. It was like I had reached the end of my rope.
But, I got some AMAZING stitch markers and beautiful yarn from Tiffany (see side bar, for her blog at www.mixedupbeauty.net), I got the candle I ordered from Dame Candle company and it is LOVELY. I'll DEFINITELY be ordering more candles (see candles yarn and catnaps at right).
AND I got the most rockin' package yet from my one skein SP.

Photos of all of the above tomorrow. Thanks, ladies, for making a really miserable week bearable.

Silver lining

My Giant Hibiscus is blooming. And it brightens up the whole garden. Today makes a year, but as my sister in law said, I don't feel any differntly about it today, and I probably won't feel any differently about it tomorrow...

And it's true. And I'm not posting about that. I'm posting this gorgeous flower photo. And saying that my friends and family fucking ROCK. I'm so blessed to have these people in my life.

And I love this flower.

And that's it for today.

New England Knitters....

Am thinking of having a Get together at my house. I'm thinking pot luck, and we'll also do a yarn and book swap. Bring any yarn you might like to get rid of and any books (novels, mags, etc.) you're done with, we'll get together, chat, knit and swap.

I'm West of Boston, easy access from the MassPike, Route 9 and I95...I'm thinking early October?

E-mail me or comment if you'd be interested...

It's a Foggy Day on Olde Cape Cod...

Dad and I went to the Canal this morning. It's not quite as grey outside as my cameraphone photos make it out to be, but it's not far from it.

At least it isn't so hot today. It's finally cooled, and it's grey and drizzly. Reminds me of England.

Arrest

The State trooper who investigated my husband's accident just called me. Althought the processing for the warrant
started months ago, he wanted me to know that yesterday an official warrant was issued for the arrest of the nearly 90 year old woman who killed my husband, and today she turned herself in.

Her hearing will be next week sometime (I don't need to be there), and she may be fined or given community service, but the most important thing is that she has lost her liscense for good.

She was charged with Vehicular manslaughter and failure to give way.

I don't mind that she isn't doing jail time. What I do mind is that she has never apologized to me, or to any member of our family. If you ran over someone's PET you'd apologize, wouldn't you? The legal business is done. Admitting she was wrong isn't going to hurt her legally. It's all done. And it infuriates me that this woman has never apologized.

I am normally not a vindictive person. But I watch, and wait for her to die. And I'll be at her funeral. And I hope they ask people to speak...

I Need A Sock Intervention

... of the other kind. I need y'all to come upon me, as a swarm of sock knitters, sit me down in the backyard, in the garden and force me to make a sock. I've started a sock a couple of times. I don't know why it's been less than appealing for me. Perhaps I KNOW I'll have the worst case of second sock syndrome, ever- and it'll hit me immediately.

Or maybe it's just that I personally almost never wear socks, and often my knitted gifts aren't that appreciated, so who would I knit the dang things for?

Or maybe it's those teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy needles. Hmmm.
I don't know. But I know I have to knit a pair at some point. To make an informed decision. And I know Soapy will help me... if only we could get ourselves in to the hospital at the same time. We keep missing each other by a day or three...

Please, come. Force me to knit socks. I've got a nice garden, a stocked bar and a strong desire to create socks.

I'm such a quitter...

I was supposed to quit smoking yesterday. But it dawned on me the other day that the anniversary of Ad's death is next week, August 8, and maybe I should just get through that, first.
So now the plan is to stick the freakin' patch on when I go to sleep on the 8th. Yeah. We'll see how that goes. But I am sure that date won't be pretty, and I want my comfort food (comfort food being cigarettes).

So I've quit my plans for quitting. Until next week. God, I suck.

Three Things Post

I stole this from Kim's Blog.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Annie

2. Anne

3. Ma'am?

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

1. annecal

2. marrying_a_brit

3. knittibell

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. I'm nice. I can't help it. I've tried.

2. I'm honest.

3. My singing voice

THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. Most of the physical

2. Can be too sensitive

3. Don't handle confrontation well

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. French Canadian Indian

2. English

3. Polish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. Someone else I love dying

2. Heights

3. Spiders

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Concealer

2. Ginger ale

3. Cigarettes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. Jeans

2. Cotton bikini briefs

3. Perfume

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):

1. System of a Down

2. The Killers

3. The Fray

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):

1. Cable Car (the Fray)

2. BYOB (SOAD)

3. Where Does the Good Go (Tegan and Sara)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:

1. Cleaning the house

2. Yoga

3. Cutting back on all the swearing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

1. honesty

2. stability

3. laughter

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE

1. I was asked out by a professional athlete (hockey)

2. I dated a professional athlete (baseball)

3. I slept with a professional athlete

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. spontaneous gestures (the good kind)

2. Sense of humor

3. Love of travel

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:

1. Keep my house clean

2. Stop it with the fucking swearing

3. Hunt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Knitting

2. Reading

3. Skiing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Get better!

2. Get through a week without crying

3. Knit a sweater

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:

1. Brothel Madame

2. Underwear designer, for less endowed women

3. Shoe designer, for women with freakishly wide feet

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. Ireland/Scotland *yes, I know they aren't the same place*

2. Tahiti

3. Italy

THREE FUTURE KID’S NAMES:

1. John

2. Charlotte

3. Some variation on Anne (family name)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. Have kids

2. Visit every country in Europe

3. Knit a freakin sweater

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:

1. I swear too much

2. I am never coy

3. I like to drive fast

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:

1. I love sparkly things

2. I cry easily

3. I love spa treatments

Ordered some tie yarn

... for Dad's tie.

Sundara sock yarn, in color 012, a deep red. Found the yarn source on Grumperina's blog (see blogstalking list at right), and you can view their yarns here.


Then Dad mentions again he wants it to be sturdy and not flimsy, but he doesn't really understand the concept of drape... so I'll knit this up as a starter and see what he thinks... we can then made mods from there.

And Now, a Couple of Knitting Photos

My bestest friend, my oldest friend is Lara. When my husband was killed I called her in the morning, from the hospital, at her house in New Orleans where she lived with her awesome husband and their dog, Miss Lola. By the time I got back to my parents house that night, she'd dropped everything (mainly finishing her doctoral thesis), flown into Boston, rented a car, and was waiting at my parents house on the Cape. She's my other half. Arguably my better half. Less than a month after Adam died, Katrina hit, and she and Kevin and Lola were displaced for months. But they were lucky and they knew it. They had each other and the dog, all were safe, and so everything would be ok. And it was. Miraculously their apartment was more or less spared. They're getting ready to leave New Orleans now, as she's doing her post doc in another state, at another university. She's my wicked smaaht friend.


Around this time, she finally said there was something I could knit her. A blanket. A throw for their bed. No problem, right? Wrong! I bought a pattern, for a blanket knit on the bias, using multiple yarns of varying weight, and got on it. And hated the way it looked. It just looked so... sloppy. Really sloppy. And I hate sloppy.

Am now working on a variation of the log cabin design from Mason Dixon Knitting, and if that doesn't work well in varying yarns, then it's back to the yarn shop, probably knit picks, to do a proper log cabin in all the same yarn. I don't care what this project costs me in the end, I want this to be something that she'll have forever and I want it to be right.

What do you think? How will a log cabin design look with different yarn types, gauges, etc??
Well, I'll keep you posted. It'll be fantastic or craptastic. But I'm always willing to frog.




Here's a sort of cool photo of the lace cowl (Lace cowl and cami) while still on the needles, unblocked.


That's all the knitting photos I've got just now. Must take more, and soon.

Damn, it really does sneak up on you...

I was driving back to my parent's place today- went home briefly to check on the house, the frog, the mail... and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I just burst into tears, and I couldn't stop crying. And I felt angry with Adam, for leaving me. This only lasted a moment. I really haven't been angry with him. Not in the way the counsellors and books tell me I should expect to be. It wasn't his choice, and I know he'd have given anything to stay.

A close friend e-mailed me today and told me she has dreams with Adam in them often. That he tells her I'll be ok. Other people have had similar dreams. I haven't. I'd do anything to dream of him.


Once, a few months after the accident I was at his family's house in the English countryside and dreamed he walked through a door, and I was so shocked I woke myself up, then cried myself back to sleep.


And once, just recently, when dad got the cancer diagnosis, I dreamt Adam was hugging my dad. Which prompted me to tell dad, as they were giving him the anasthesia, that if he should see Adam tell him we love him, and tell him to bugger off, and you'll see him in another 30 years!!

I do think he sends me little signs. But what I wouldn't do to dream of him. It's nearly a year now. August 6 was the accident, and he died on the 8th. I never dream of him. I'm starting to forget what he smelled like, things like that, and it sends me into a panic attack. The kind where I can't breathe, and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest, and my heart races, and I take a small dose of valium, and then I'm ok. Thank God for valium.


I'm determined to move forward with my life. To find someone and be happy with them someday. I will not give my life up because the person I loved more than anything was taken from me. He wouldn't want that for me. I wouldn't want it for him, if our roles were reversed. And I wish they were. Every day, I wish it had been me, instead of him.

But it just fucking wasn't. And so here, without him, I will keep moving forward. As best I can. Because what else is there to do?