Knittibell

MY EYES!!!!

2008-09-22T21:12:00.002-04:00

This is my right eye. It's in reverse, so those are my eyelashes on the bottom.

And here is my left eye.

Cool, isn't it?

Thanks again to everyone, for your very kind comments in the previous posts!

September

2008-09-18T10:54:00.002-04:00

It's been a busy, but mostly enjoyable month! Adam's dad and step mum came for a visit, for the first two weeks of September, and we stayed at my parents house on the Cape. We spent the week mostly in different towns on the Cape, and a day in Newport.

Here is my mom, the moose and I, at Aquinnah on the Vineyard.

On Ad's birthday we went out to a hibachi restaurant.

Here is a photo of Paul and I. We've been seeing each other for some months now, and he's a really wonderful man. On the anniversary of my wedding, he bought me dinner to celebrate and then we watched my wedding video. That about sums up how utterly cool this man is.

We were in Newport and my sister was playing paparazzi with my camera.

And this is Paul's dog, on our way to a marsh about a mile from my parent's house.

And now a few shots of Abbey and Blossom, for the dog lovers.

Abbey is so proud she got her stick!

Running through the marsh- click on this one to make it bigger!

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments about the hair, I am enjoying it. Here's a photo of me I actually like. Paul took it.

Do me a favor, and don't make this one any bigger!!

I'm working on a couple knitting projects and still need to photograph the log cabin, but am trying to sort out the best way to do that, because it's big!!

Heading to Ravelry now to get some inspiration for my next project. I think I need to do a massive de-stash/yarn give away soon. Stay tuned!

Big Change

2008-08-10T11:19:00.002-04:00

God, I've really been crap at updating this. It's like anything else, a little too much goes by and you realize it's going to take longer than usual to update things, so you put it off, and it snowballs!

I have a lot of reading to catch up on, but here is a quick snip of what's been up with me lately. The 8th was the third anniversary of Adam's death. It seems amazing to me that it has been three years. Seems like such a long time without him sometimes, and then at other times... well, it's all a little too vivid, if you know what I mean.

I wanted to do something nice on the anniversary of the day Adam died, and so I chopped and donated my hair.

Here I am at the salon.

I had just had a facial, so I'm a little shiny and mussed and make up free, not really the best time for photos, but there you have it.

I went to see my stylist, Aimee, who is amazing, and the first person in the styling business that I absolutely trust and would follow anywhere.

We put my hair into a braid, and... she cut.

Again, I'm looking rough, I had not really slept the night before, and had done a lot of crying, so focus on the hair and the gorgeous Aimee, ok?

And here it is, about 13 inches, to go to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients.

Rinsing hair color. For the most part, the color (which she did beautifully), is more or less my natural color, but with some golden and copper strands put underneath.

Cutting...

And done.

I love it, actually. I can't believe how much hair is gone! I'm still getting used to it, but Aimee is a damn genius.

Here is a kind of blurry one, but you can see how lovely the shape of the back of it is, I think it's quite elegant, really. Oh, and i'm not naked in this, it just kind of looks like I am!!

So, I have the new hair. Or new lack of hair, I suppose.

I have about ten mosaics to finish up and photograph for you, and also the log cabin blanket is done, but I'm trying to work out the best way to photograph that. I'm also finishing the Bar Harbor Shell Bag, and plugging away at that massive cape from Scarf Style, in Silky Wool, which I think I'm going to try to dye when it's done. THAT should be interesting.

Still Alive!

2008-07-05T11:43:00.004-04:00

Hello, everyone. I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog lately, or had much time to check in and see how all of you are doing, but things have been hectic, both in good ways, and bad.

I had a wonderful visit to Adam's family in the UK, and my nephew Ben, now 5, is just an amazing kid, and reminds me of Adam in a lot of ways. Today would have been my 4th wedding anniversary, actually. It feels like forever, and also like it was just yesterday. I'm doing ok, so far.

My aunt hasn't been too well lately, so I've been trying to help with her as much as I can.

Also, we had to put my family dog, Maggie to sleep last week, which was absolutely heartbreaking.

She was 14, and had a wonderful, pampered life. She's had arthritis in her back legs, and over the last week, started falling down... it was time, but that didn't make it any easier.

My favorite Maggie story... She had always had a little bit of a problem with cookies- mainly that my mother fed her them constantly. She always brought the paper in every morning, and would get a cookie for this. So she was put on a diet, and was absolutely miserable. One morning, she went out to get the paper, and was gone for a while... when she came back, she was lumbering along, dragging 6 newspapers! I suppose in her mind, if one paper equalled one cookie....
We returned the purloined papers, and she got her snacks.

We love you, Mags.

Been doing a lot of mosaicing, and will soon have photos of the massive log cabin blanket I've nearly finished!

Hope you're all well. More soon.

I Hate Deep Cleansing Breaths

2008-04-21T00:10:00.002-04:00

Ok folks, here's the thing. We all know I'm a little mentally imbalanced. It isn't that I was born crazy. Well, to be perfectly honest, I've always been a little crazy, but before it was in the fun, spontaneous, unexpected crazy way. The good crazy. Now I'm just crazy-crazy, but as you all know, I am working on it. With my new BFF, Valium. If any of the Valium people are reading this, and want to sponsor my blog, do let me know, as I am your biggest fan. Seriously.

Ok, I digress. I need to join the gym. I really do, and I shall join, and soon,even though the gym I want to go to is crazy fucking expensive. I mean, for the price of this gym, I should get complimentary bikini waxes and massages by the hot male trainers, but, sadly, that is not included. It does, however, have a pool, and so in the spirit of health, I am going to go forth and get down with the geriatrics in the arthritis 10 am swim. Rock. I don't mind working out with a bunch of old people. In fact, once in college, my roommate got me to go to her gym for 3 months of this "body sculpting" class. Which is honestly a special kind of hell. It was an hour of crunches, lunges, and then arm workouts. This was in sunny Florida, home of freakishly large insects, and lots of old people. And every old lady in that class kicked my ass. We'd stumble out of the gym, light up a cigarette and go for a cool down shopping session at the local Super Wal Mart. Now, before you give me shit about Wal-Mart, let me tell you that once the Woolworths across from campus closed down, this was the ONLY place to shop for anything. So we'd hit Wal-Mart and go through the aisles filling our carts with the stuff we'd eat later. Gummy bears for me, cereal for her. Sadly folks, this was probably the healthiest time of my life.

So I have been to the gym, I've had my ass kicked, cardiac-ally speaking by a 70 year old woman with large permed hair who wore full make up to work out, and I was ok with that.

I also took a somatopsychology class, and every 3rd lesson we would do Tai Chi. I liked Tai Chi, and it was more of a work out than I expected. At that time, I would really get into it, meditate, get stretchy, and whatnot. It was good.

Here's the thing. Since Ad died, I can't stand to be still with my thoughts. I don't sleep in anymore, once my eyes open, I'm up. No more languishing, sliding my leg across the sheets to find a cool spot, and flipping my pillow over for the same. Now, I hope out of bed, and when I knit or do mosaic, I watch tv or talk on the phone while I do it. Bottom line, I need to keep my mind as busy as possible, because letting it rest means accessing things I have no desire to remember.

One thing my therapist has really wanted me to do is deep breathing exercises. I keep telling him I can't. Recently, he asked me to close my eyes and take some deep cleansing breaths. The first one wasn't so bad. The second was was ok, and with the third one, I started feeling uncomfortable. It was probably around breath 15, when tears started rolling down my cheeks, that he said to stop. He believes me now. Apparently, he could see my shoulders continue to rise and rise without relaxing, my hands slowly curled into fists, and my breathing got very shaky.

I didn't notice these things, because I was busy trying not to have a complete freak-out, but it brought home an interesting realization. What the professionals like to call "a break through."

I am not comfortable inside my own body. Doesn't that just suck? I mean, it's not such a surprise. Physically, in the past three years I've developed 2 auto-immune diseases, I crushed my ankle and was bedridden for three months, I had a horrid steroid reaction that made me look like a pregnant bearded lady crossed with a gremlin that had just gotten wet (fat pads on my back). And then I watched as my husband died, and my dad got cancer, and oh, fuck me. Why would I like any part of this body?

Before, at least the mental was ok, you know? Apart from my vampire-like avoidance of mirrors when I was huge and bloated with no discernible neck and a beard that my waxer (to her credit, she was right) refused to wax off, claiming I'd then always have it.

But now, my body is fucked, I never know how I'll feel, how much pain I'll be in, how tired. I'm jabbing myself in the thigh regularly with needles, which has gotten a little tougher lately because I've lost some of the extra weight I'd put on trying to quit smoking and don't have that much fat in my thighs. Which normally would be a GOOD thing, but it makes it harder to find some nice fat to jab that needle into, and I fear I will soon be bending over and begging friends to jab a needle in my ass. Now, that will be an interesting friend test, don't you think?

On top of the physical blech, I'm kind of an emotional wreck. So much so, I can't do deep calming breathing! What kind of special crazy do you have to be to not be able to handle deep cleansing breathing?!

This kind of crazy. But that's ok.

Ireland, Part One.

2008-04-18T10:58:00.006-04:00

We stayed in Killarney for a week, in County Kerry, and it was great. These sheep were in a field behind where we were staying.

Here is a leaping lamb.( Click on the photo to enlarge.)

Now, this little lamb, the white one? Doesn't it look cute? It is, it's very cute. Here it is with it's mummy and sibling.

And here it is with its mother...

Cute, no? No. Because.... after this photo was taken, it sort of, looked at us (Moose and I), and we thought that was pretty cool, it was just staring at us. And staring. And... staring. I mean, it didn't even blink. Not at all. It just...kept...staring. Honestly, I'm pretty sure it didn't even blink. Not even once.
Here it is, and I know it's blurry, but you get the idea.

And other sheep, other lambs came up to it, and it would ignore them and KEEP STARING. I'm pretty sure it had the devil in it, and so we did the obvious, and ran. We fled from the unblinking devil lamb. I must say, we did comment, while fleeing in horror, that it had really cute ears. For a minion of the devil.

Killarney was gorgeous. Really, really lovely and green. I took the giant fuck-off bus we'd been given, and I drove that bitch around the Ring of Kerry. Which was dodgy, because at the best of times, the road looked like this

and there were sheep everywhere I tried not to hit, whilst also trying to keep the van from plunging off the insanely narrow roads.

We stopped at Ladies View, which was named after Queen Victoria's favorite view in the area when she visited with her ladies of the court.

Here is my family at Ladies view- Left to right- John (Ad's dad), me, Ad's stepmum Jackie, Moose, my aunt Re, my dad (who tried to hide in every damn photo),and Mum.

We stopped for lunch in Sneem

and it was a great day, though the weather could have been a bit nicer, it rained on and off all day.

We visited Mucross House, which is a beautiful estate, and the property and lands were given to Ireland and became it's first national park. This is also where I scored that free wool. We took a Jaunting Cart around the grounds, looking at the lakes, and visiting the Abbey.

This was the horse that pulled one of the carriages, Molly, and the cat, Misty.

Here are the Abbey Ruins, which are being restored at the moment. Really impressive, lovely place. People are still laid to rest on the grounds, even today. Because of the weather in the area, I was surprised that some of the graves that were 20 years old looked as old as the graves that were 200 years old.

This place was very atmospheric, and so, with my interest in the paranormal, I ducked into a deserted, pitch dark corridor and took a couple of photos.

Here is the first, the camera really struggled to get the photo, and I have to say I'm impressed. A tripod would have been handy, because the camera took about 15 seconds to take each one.

Then I stepped further into the corridor, and caught these two

Very cool, but alas, not a ghost. There was a teeny window down at the very end of the hall, and it caught and bent the light.

Here is dad and I in the jaunting cart. We were going beneath a bunch of trees, and it was too dark, so I had to lighten it, but I like this photo-

And here is Moose and I with our driver. He was a cool guy who sang little made up songs to the horse while we drove.

Just down the road from Mucross House is the Torc Waterfall, which Moose was really keen on seeing, and which she almost met her maker in.
The path leading to the waterfall was unbelievably verdant. I've never seen so much green, and I love green.

green

Moose tried out my camera, and I showed her how action mode works. Here I am, er, in action, although I can't really move very fast, on account of the lousy body I'm stuck with, but this is my representation of green inspired joy!

Oh, and the waterfall? Very impressive. Best one I've seen, though to be fair, the only one I've seen, really.

And here I am with the Moose, firmly gripping her jacket to keep her from pitching headfirst into the falls...

Feeling sheep deprived? Here's that lamb, post-leap.

We also took a day trip to Kinsale, which was beautiful.

So that's it for now, though there is more to come, including MORE SHEEP, the Ring of Dingle (insanely beautiful), Moose's first shot, hailstorms in Dublin, and illegal photography at the Book of Kells!

All the photos can be seen on my flickr page. Just click the thing on the right there!

RUPE- A Cabled Unisex Scarf Pattern for Man or a Woman

2008-04-13T10:52:00.011-04:00

This is a Cabled Scarf for a Man or a Woman. It was made as a 40th birthday gift for my friend Rupert. I tried a number of patterns, finally coming up with this, which has a stitch count of 40 and worked out to be the width I was looking for on size 9 needles.

After a couple of repeats you may not need to look at the pattern anymore. Once you're more comfortable, you'll see that on the wrong side, you're just knitting your knit stitches and purling the purls.

There is no gauge here, my finished scarf is about 6" wide and 6' long, and you can make it as long or short as you want, depending on taste and how much yarn you have available.

approx. 400 yards heavy worsted yarn
Size 9 Needles
Cable Needle

CO 40 Stitches

Row 1 (RS) - k5, p2, k2, p2, k18, p2, k2, p2, k5

Row 2 (and all WS) – p5, k2, p2, k2, p18, k2, p2, k2, p5

Row 3 – K1, C4F, p2, RT, p2, [k3, (C6F 2x), k3], p2, RT, p2, C4B, K1

Row 5 – k5 ,p2, k2, p2, k18, p2, k2, p2, k5

R7 – K1, C4F, p2, RT, p2, (C6B 3x), p2, RT, p2, C4B, K1

R8- rep 2

Repeat these 8 rows for pattern
Knit to desired length and bind off

Glossary

C4F- Place two stitches on cable needle and hold in front of work. Knit two st, then knit the 2 st from the cable needle

C4B- Place two stitches on cable needle and hold in back of work. Knit two st, then knit the 2 st from the cable needle

RT- Knit two stitches together,keeping the stitches on the left needle, then knit into the first stitch again, then remove both stitches from needle

C6F- Place three stitches on cable needle and hold at the front of work. K3 then K3 st from cable needle

C6B- Place three st on cable needle and hold at back of work. K3, then K3 st from cable needle

Sheep, Hand spun, Irish Wool, WIP, and a pattern, coming soon!

2008-04-13T08:54:00.004-04:00

This IS a knitting blog, right? Sorry, I've been absent for a while. I've been really tired lately, which is all part of the joys of auto-immune. But I was also in a knitting funk for a while. But I am happy to say, the funk has lifted. Where to start?! I have to much to tell you all, including all about my trip to Ireland, the medium report, if people are interested in it, and some projects I have been, in fact, KNITTING!!

Ok, let's start with some WIP.

I have been working on a blanket for my best friend, Lara. AGES ago, she asked for a blanket, and she never asks for anything knit, and I've been trying to find a pattern and yarn I like. Here's what I've got-

I am knitting squares using 3 shades of Ella Rae's Shibu yarn. Mostly silk, and it knits up beautifully.

So here are the squares I've got so far. Eventually everything will be blocked and put together. Here is what I am thinking, in terms of putting it together- Can anyone spot a problem with this plan?

Black yarn in same weight. Pick up and knit 2 garter rows, on two squares, using 3 needle bind off to join. Repeat. Then do the same with rows. Then pick up and knit a garter band in black around the blanket.

We'll see how that goes.

Ireland was fantastic, and I'll be posting a re-cap of it in the next couple of days, but here are some highlights.

Don't you love the face? Click for a bigger pic. This was taken on the Ring of Dingle, near an ancient fort.

Now, one of the really interesting things about the trip was we were given a VW bus, which sat 9 people, as our rental. And I drove it! I actually had no problem driving on the left, that was surprisingly like second nature to me. But the actually size of the car was a bit of a beast.

Here is a photo I took on the Ring of Kerry, from the window, of some sheep in the road.

Ok, a couple of things to notice, besides the sheep I kept trying not to hit with the giant fucking bus. Can you see behind me how narrow the road was? This was actually a fairly wide portion of road for the area. And the speed limit was generally between 80-100 km and hour on them, the same as a four lane highway. Crazy.

Also, those mountains- I kept having "Whiskey in the Jar" in my head... you know... "As I was going over the far famed Kerry mountains... It's one of my favorites. Anyhoo.

I scored some free yarn! We visited Mucross House, which is part of Ireland's first national park. Here's a pic of the house, taken from the Jaunting Cart we went riding in

They do their own spinning and weaving there, and during the tour of the house, we came upon a woman doing a spinning demo. We got to chatting, and she gave me all of the wool she had been working on that day. Oh yeah. It's crazily thick and thin, smells of sheep, and I have to hold what I'm working on and let it spin around to straighten the yarn, but I'm enjoying it.
I'm just knitting a scarf on large needles with it, and I'm not sure yet what to do with the dark brown.

I also bought some yarn. I spend about $20 US per massive hank on three of these-

I think it'll be enough for a nice sweater, but it's measured in weight, not yardage.

Here's a pic with flash, it's a really nice tweed.

I managed to only buy this yarn, so I was fairly pleased with myself and my restraint. Though, to be fair, they only had three hanks in this color.

I haven't posted a photo of a sheep in about 5 minutes, so here you go-

I really loved Ireland. Did I mention how GREEN everything was?
I didn't do anything to alter the color in this photo!

Ok, Rupe, if you're reading this, STOP NOW!! Stop now and look after your birthday, ok? Please?

Now, my very dear friend, Rupert, has a major birthday approaching, and a long time ago I caught him "admiring" some yarn when I dragged him into a shop.

I decided to make him a scarf with the 3 hanks of "Highlander" I bought, and after several false starts, made up my own pattern, which I'll call Rupe.

Here was one false start- Persephone- man, this is one gorgeous pattern, but the Highlander is knit on 9's and it was just a little too wide, I thought I'd run out of yarn.

I frogged this, but will absolutely be knitting this pattern again, with an aran weight. Gorgeous, gorgeous pattern.

So here is the WIP of Rupe-

I'll be posting the pattern soon, if you think you'd be interested!

Also, coming soon...
More Photo's of Ireland, Including:
Hey, that's NOT a ghost!
Moose does her first shot.. and
But Wait! There's more Sheep!

Would you Dye for me?

2008-03-02T19:36:00.002-05:00

Hello all! Things have been a little bit hectic, and I have SO much reading and catching up to do with everyone's blogs! I hope you're all well. I'm actually knitting again! Some photos soon, but I am working on a couple of secret projects. One of these looks like it will require some yarn to be over-dyed. It's a silk yarn, and I do not dye yarn- or I never have. Any of my blog friends interested in dying some yarn for me? I'd pay you for your work, of course, I just don't want to screw it up. The yarn would need to be either a very dark purple, or black.

What else? Crazy time is going well, still seeing the dr. once a week for all the, well, crazy. I'm getting slightly better at jabbing myself in the thigh with a needle on a regular basis, although that is still hard, and still hurts like a bitch.

I'm getting ready for my trip to Ireland. We're going for my parent's 40th anniversary and my in-laws are meeting us over there. Renting a cottage in Kerry for a week, then 3 nights in Dublin. I can't wait, I just hope the joints behave!

I'll have a report on my visit to the medium soon, along with loads of other news, but I'm exhausted, (again!), and will have to check in with everyone later.

I'm Still Alive...

2008-02-05T09:24:00.000-05:00

though lately I've been struggling a bit. I have so much to catch up on, so much to tell you all, and I really need to get reading!

But in the last several weeks, I had a wonderful trip to Las Vegas with my old college roommate, Susie.

We took a helicopter into the Grand Canyon-

I learned that the dry desert air is not only great for my joints, but also my hair!

I saw a medium, who actually kind of blew me away! I'll have a whole separate post on that soon, if you want.

Been finishing up some mosaics, and knitting the Cape from Scarf Style, along with some baby hats for the kiddies in my life.

I'm sick again. Damn auto-immune drugs do help with the arthritis and whatnot, but I feel like I'm never NOT going to have a fever again. Ugh.

I'm also going to be starting some hard-core physical therapy for my spine, which will hopefully get me in good shape to start going to the gym.

Finally I have an audition coming up in the next couple of months. It's kind of a big deal, actually a really big deal, and we'll see how it goes.

That's all for now!

And The Winner Is...

2008-01-09T10:27:00.000-05:00

Michelle! You fucking won!! Wooo!

We'll have to figure out what piece you'd like- something for yourself, or something for Maya's room, maybe?

I hope you're all doing well! I'm still a bit sick. I've been sick since before Christmas, and have been terrible about the blogging. I need to play catch up and read a lot! The main issue is that my shots are immuno suppressants, and so I can't give them to myself when I'm sick. I've had a fever of 100+ since before Christmas, which went sinus infection on me, and I am finally over that. The fever dropped into the 99's two days ago, so I think it's finally safe to shoot up, so to speak, but I'm a little nervous because I still have a little bit of the cold and don't want it to worsen. Again. Now I'm more than a month overdue for a shot, and my joints are totally fucked. Also my fatigue is through the roof. I've been sleeping 8 hours a night or so, but then also napping 3-5 hours during the day. And I'm always exhausted. The auto-immune fatigue is like nothing else I can explain- it's like when you've been swimming all day... that kind of fatigue, where your limbs feel heavy and every single movement is a struggle. But no worries, once I can start my shots again that should get a bit better.

So, Michelle, I'll be e-mailing you about your mosaic piece, we'll figure out what you'd like as your prize, and I hope you are all enjoying the beginning of 2008!

The Website is...

2007-12-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday! Mine was nice, in terms of spending time with my family, though we were all sick. Mom is more sick than the rest of us, and so I avoided her like she had the plague, and literally walked around with alcohol swabs wiping down phones, bottles of soda... anything she may have touched with her germy self. I still got sick though, the cold I'd been fighting before the holiday came on full strength, and then mutated into a sinus infection. Can't give myself the shots when I have a fever, so I'm in a pretty miserable state. But I'm on antibiotics and hoping I'll feel human again. I haven't really done anything over the past week, no knitting, no mosaic work... you know I'm sick! :)

So, I am very grateful for everyone's suggestions for the website! In the end, I decided on Belle Mosaics

It will be up and running soon, and I haven't forgotten about drawing a name to send a mosaic to, I'll get to that soon!

Bah, Humbug

2007-12-24T10:20:00.000-05:00

Hello all! So there were some wonderful naming suggestions. I really loved a lot of them, but unfortunately, many of the ones I loved best were already taken as domain names! So, what I am going to do, is collect the suggestions from the previous two posts, and if you posted in those entries, I'll do a random draw and send that person a mosaic. Also, if you comment in this one, I'll include you in the drawing, but I probably won't actually draw until after Christmas, so you'll have several days to post!

We did get quite a lot of snow. A couple of feet, over two storms.
Here is a photo taken from my back door during storm #2. Look at the chair at left for reference. We got about another 10 inches from this storm!

So you can see we got quite a lot.

Now some mosaics pics. Here are some I did for people as Christmas presents- I did one for Kim, for her mom, a dog bone leash holder in shades of red. Which I forgot to photograph before sending out.

I also did this little star for baby Sam-

It's a smallish star, and I use loads of tiny pieces of mirror, so it literally twinkles. These are available for $25, and I just love them.

I then did another frog-

And two custom mirrors for someone's nieces-

This one is for a ten year old girl who loves pink-

There is a lot of sparkle in it, as I used a lot of mirror, but it will hopefully be something she'll enjoy, even as an adult.

I also did a mirror for a teenager who is kind of in a goth/wicca stage. I did this in shades of purple,with Amethyst, Agate and Hematite, and then made a little document explaining the healing properties and ancient uses of these stones. Hopefully she'll dig it.

Here's one with no flash.

I really love using stones with specific properties... love, grief, calming of the mind, etc. Or sea glass... I enjoy it when someone special orders something, asks for specific colors/combinations... it's fun to take what they have in mind and try to create something unique that they'll love. The 10" round mirrors are $75, so I've been selling a lot of those lately!

Oh, and I did FINALLY come up with a name. I'll be letting everyone know in the new year what that will be.

As for the Humbuggery, well, this year it just doesn't really feel like Christmas. Maybe it's because this is the first Christmas since Ad died that we haven't had some or all of his family with us. Maybe it's because we're all sick, and my aunt is also sick and is not coming, so it'll just be the 4 of us. And because we're all sick, we're kind of apathetic about the whole thing. But it's fine.

This year we cut back on how much we spent on each other, and took on more families in need to adopt.

I took three teenage girls, at least one of which is a mom. I got them these-

They love Bath and Body Works stuff, and use the bags for purses or diaper bags. I also ordered a bunch of those crazy warm soft socks, and sent them along to be tucked into the bags.

The little kids are always snapped up fast, but older kids, and adults don't get chosen as quickly. A few years ago we had a grown man, and we bought him a new hammer, some books, and a warm coat. So it's things like that that do get me into the Christmas spirit.

But, this year, for the most part, I'm really not feeling it. Maybe I will tonight. Or tomorrow. We'll see.

But I want to wish you all a wonderful Christmas. I'm something of an agnostic, with varied beliefs, but for me, Christmas has always been more like a thankgiving, a time to really appreciate what you have, who you have in your life. To spend time with people you love, and to help other people in need.

Even though this Christmas is a bit sad, and I'm sick, I am very aware of how fortunate I am, how much I have. How much I love, and am loved. For this, I am grateful. I hope you all have a holiday full of love and happiness. And remember to take a look at everything you have, and be grateful, as you never know when it may be gone.

Much love to all of you.

6-10

2007-12-12T17:20:00.000-05:00

So, it looks like I'm getting 6-10 inches tomorrow night. And not in a good way. A major storm is on its way, and we can expect to get quite a lot of snow, before the next storm, which is scheduled to hit on Saturday!

Thankfully, my friend Paul (thanks, Paul!) came by today with his sidekick Miss B, and he cleared away what had been 3 inches of ice on my drive, but thanks to today's warmer temps had turned to slush.

Have I mentioned how much it totally sucks being a single woman owning a home in New England during the fall and winter months? Ladies, give your husbands/significant others some tonight, just because I said so. And I'm always right. ;)

There have been some fantastic suggestions for the website name! One of the biggest problems is that most of the ones I really love are already taken! So the search continues, and in the meantime, it looks like I'll order up mynamemosaics.com. Just to have it, you know? In the meantime, it looks like I may be doing the website thing on my own, so it may be some time before that happens.

I am enjoying finishing up some holiday mosaic orders and some gifts, and have been fortunate to be spending time with friends more than usual lately. Depression and illness have turned me into something of a crazy shut-in, but I am working on it! I know, I have a lot of writing and reading to catch up on, and I'll be getting on that soon.

What's in a Name?

2007-12-06T11:08:00.000-05:00

I need help. Your help! I'm going to be (with the help of a friend) setting up a proper website for the mosaics. But I don't know what to call it. So, please, post or e-mail me your suggestions! If I choose the one you suggested, I'll send you a mosaic. Sound good?

Here are a couple recently finished mirrors. They need grouting.

"Primarily Primary"

"Green Radiance"

Oh, and the shawl I knit for charity? It sold, for $250, so I was happy to help them with that!!

So, please. Send me your suggestions for a Mosaic site/company name, something other than Knittibell Mosaics or 'My name Mosaics'- and if your suggestion is chosen, I'll send you a piece!

Thankful

2007-11-22T11:35:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it is hard to remember that I have it as good as I do. Sometimes, all I can think of is pain, and grief, and exhaustion, and depression. But mostly, I am thankful. My life has not really turned out in the way I had once thought it might. I have seen things, experienced things, that I would not wish on anyone. Things that have changed who I am, though not necessarily for the better or worse.

Despite all these things, I always remind myself how much I have. How much I am so very thankful for.

I am thankful for the love I had, for the man who made me see myself through different eyes, who gave me strength and taught me what it feels like to be cherished.

I am thankful for my family. Like any family, we're not perfect, but there is tremendous love and strength which I take from my families. They always have my back, as I have theirs, and I'm very thankful that these people are in my life. Being adopted makes me even more aware of how blessed I am that these people have come into my life. Also, being adopted makes me more aware than others what family really means. It's not really the people you share blood with, and I have a sister at home, one in the UK and a third in PA, and I'm so grateful for them. For my parents, my in-laws.

I am thankful for my friends, who seem to love me, even though I'm scary and damaged. One of them recently said to me, 'it doesn't matter how damaged you think you are, because you're more beautiful on the inside than you are on the outside, and you are funny as hell.' Which made me think, yes, that's true. My inside is quite nice. I'm a good person, and I'm glad they think I am funny. Helps when I'm so depressed I don't like the leave the house, and I ignore the ringing phone and am crap at remembering to return e-mails. I am very thankful to have this bunch of people. I love each of them, in different ways, for different strengths and joys they bring to me, and it was a nice reminder, in a low time, that they think I bring them good things as well.

It is because of them that I am not in a padded cell. Not that that still isn't an option, mind you.

So, I don't have my health, I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, or the smartest, or the funniest, or the most athletic. But I'm ok. It could be worse. I'm not really doing so bad, you know? I have my friends, I have my family. I have a roof over my head and more yarn and glass than I know what to do with just now. Things are actually pretty ok. And I am thankful for that.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Mosaic Mania

2007-11-17T11:25:00.000-05:00

I know this is more of a knitting and how fucked up I am kind of blog, but I've been doing a lot of glass work lately. I mean, a lot. I still have about ten things I need to photograph, and the photos aren't great, because it's been cold, wet, dark and rainy here. It's actually not bad out today, but everything outside is wet, so I don't want to bring anything out!

Here are my most recent projects, and most are for sale, so if you're interested in something, let me know. Also, there are details and pricing on my flickr site.

Now this one, I may have to keep. I love it, and there is no photo to do it justice. I'll be grouting it today.

Starting at white, and graduating to an almost black brown.

I'm going to be doing a whole series of these. Here is blue.

I really am happy with this, and suspect lots of friends and family will request one. This one I did in browns, but if you'd like one, I can do it in pretty much any color, or color combination, and they're $35. It's a dog leash holder!

This piece I am really happy with. It's a very large butterfly, perfect for a little girl's room, or for a butterfly lover. The body is black glass, with a green agate for the eye. Once the edges are painted, I'll be inserting wire antennae. At the edge of the body is a line of small amethyst, and the body is shades of pink, purple and pale blue, with a lot of iridescent pieces, mixed with stained glass, mirror, and larger pieces of rose quartz in each wing tip.

Can you tell I'm happy with this one?

This is another one that I just think is adorable. It's grouted, and I need to sand and paint the edges. It's a foot tall giraffe. This one was more work than I thought, but I'm very pleased with the result. The eyes are agate.

I'm working on a little elephant to go with him.

Here is a small dolphin, with agate eye

This is a piece I am very happy with it. With any ribbon pieces I sell, $5 will go to charity. This is a pink ribbon tea light holder. I can do the ribbons in any color you'd like, so let me know if you're interested in one of these. They can also be done as just a ribbon, with no candle.

There are more photos, and prices and details on the flickr site. I'm sorry if the mosaic stuff is boring for you all!!

Needles and Glass

2007-11-12T12:38:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone for your support on the needle thing. I have since given myself another needle injection, and then the pens came, and I had to give myself two shots in one night with those. As bad as the needle is, now I know why my dad prefered it to the pen. With the needle, you control how fast you inject that acid-like substance, with the pen, you're fucked. Ouch. Seriously. Very painful. But it's done. No more shots for another week or so.

In the meantime I've been doing a LOT of mosaic work. Here is a mirror I'm donating (along with the jewel toned Lady E) to Dad's charity auction.

It's a smaller version of one I'm doing for myself. Sea glass along the edge, with stained glass, wispy glass, and cathedral glass, and cut mirror.

Hopefully it will sell well.

Not For the Squeamish

2007-11-03T13:18:00.000-04:00

Warning in advance, if you're needle squeamish, you may want to skip this post.

That said, my Humira arrived today. They had originally told me I'd be getting an auto-injector pen, which would have looked something like this.

I'd put it against my thigh, push a button, and then in 15 seconds or so, it inserts the needle and injects the drug.

What I ended up getting, was this.

So. Not really what I was expecting, but I wasn't too worried about it. I was supposed to put it into my stomach or thigh, but it said not to put in on or near any stretch marks, but pretty much my entire stomach has them, and most of my thighs, so this was the first obstacle.

I then swabbed my leg with alcohol, squirted a little of the medication out of the needle so there was no air, and got ready to insert it. But I couldn't. I tried, and had several false starts, and then I started shaking.

It's very different pushing a needle into your own skin. I'm not scared of them, I'm really not. I don't know if it was the pain, or the idea of puncturing my own skin, or what, but I couldn't do it. I was shaking, and then crying, and angry at myself for struggling so much with this.

I mean, people inject themselves with insulin all the time. I felt like I was being weak, and then I was upset because Adam wasn't here to just jab me instead. I had a bit of a pity moment. Angry at myself for struggling so much with such a simple thing, angry that the marks the steroids left meant I had very few locations where I could viably insert the fucking needle, angry that I'm sick enough to need this thing in the first place. Angry that I recently let myself get so incredibly upset and stressed about something, which has caused the Crohn's and arthritis to flare, and flare badly.

After about 30 minutes of crying and shaking and 3 alcohol swabs later, I bit the bullet, and jabbed that sucker in. And it didn't hurt so badly. But then I began to inject the Humira, and that SERIOUSLY hurts. Like injecting acid, is the best way I can describe it.

But, it's done.

I rock.

10 Photos, with you in them, that make you happy.

2007-11-02T19:31:00.000-04:00

What can I say? I really do look good in hats. (Warwick Castle)

Skiing at Killington

My Vampire Bat costume, which I sewed completely by hand. Including the ears. On the back of the wings I embroidered veins with jet seed beads. I was proud of that costume!

Ad and I in front of the Aquarium where we had our first date

With my nephew on Omaha Beach

Swimming with Manatees

With Moose in Bermuda

On a Bunjee in Covent Garden

Missing Home

Horseback riding in England (Does my ass look big?)

Broken

2007-10-30T09:44:00.000-04:00

I dropped a glass the other day, and it shattered. I don't drop or break things often, and I was startled at how loud the sound of the glass shattering was.

It was loud, and violent, and left behind little jagged edges that made me bleed.

Which made me think of the heart, and how, when it breaks, there is no sound. There is no loud shattering announcing to the world that it has broken. The only person who may bleed from the jagged edges it leaves behind is you. How many times can a heart break before you've lost too many of those little shards, and you can't ever get it glued back together, whole again?

It seems wrong, somehow. When you break a leg or an arm, you've got a cast on, announcing to the world that you've been damaged. But when your heart is broken, and let's face it, the pain from that is far worse than any bone in a cast can ever be, no one knows unless you tell them.

And so, no one will know. I'll paste on the smile I've gotten very good at flashing at people, to distract them from the pain in my eyes. I'll keep it quiet, because letting people know would open a world of issues and some friends, who have finally stopped looking at me with pity and concern in their eyes, would go back to wondering how close I really am to the edge, which is honestly something they do not want to know.

The thing is, when all is right with the world, and our hearts are bursting with love, the joy that fills you, fulfills you, makes you feel whole, no matter how damaged your body may be. Love can make all the other horror in the world melt away. It bolsters you, like a shot of whiskey in your tea, against the things that are cold, and wrong and hard in the world.

When the heart is broken, there is unbearable pain, and to ignore the pain is to feel hollow. So for now, I am hollow. My arthritis has flared, and badly. I can barely walk, my knees are swollen, my hips are throbbing, and my spine feels like it is on fire. I am exhausted, from the arthritis fatigue, and the very fact that the pain wears me out, it tears at my soul, and I don't have that much will to fight things sometimes. But I can take the physical. I haven't had a day without pain in over three years, it is my constant companion, and at times, it was the only thing reminding me I was still alive. I can take the physical. But the pain in my heart, the pain of letting go of something you held so close, of realizing something is completely, truly and finally gone. The feeling of those little shards poking around inside you, making you bleed on the inside is just too much to manage as well.

Hollow isn't such a bad thing, though. Hollow doesn't hurt. Hollow doesn't make me feel so overwhelmed with pain that I might vomit. Hollow is empty. But emptiness implies a space that maybe, just maybe, will be filled again.

France Trip- Part 3- WWII Sites

2007-10-21T05:03:00.000-04:00

If you go to this region of France, you must visit some of the military sites. I was really impressed with one museum in particular, the one at Pegasus Bridge. If you go to Omaha Beach, I'd do the beach and the American War Memorial, going back to the museum there only if you've got time, but the Pegasus Bridge Museum is well worth a trip.

Omaha Beach

The American Military Cemetery

The cemetary is truly awe inspiring and beyond lovely. You cannot not be struck by it.

Pegasus Bridge

Trip Recap, part 2- Home and Honfleur

2007-10-20T04:40:00.001-04:00

Good Morning! I've been up since 4, so I thought I'd get on and do some posting. I have so much to catch up on. A thousand e-mails, most of which are junk, and I'm dying to read your blogs and get on Ravelry, and get stuck back into some projects.

But first, a few images from our Gite, which is basically a French rental property... So, seriously, it was in the middle of nowhere. The population of the village we were in was 48, so when the 9 of us arrived we significantly increased the population. There were apple trees everywhere, as Normandy is known for it's Calvados and Cider, and, on our property, a walnut tree, which we found when a walnut fell on Moose's head, leaving a nicely shaped bump.

This is my room. You've already seen my gorgeous sheepy view, but here is the bed, and you can see the fireplace chimney cutting into the room. No photo of the fireplace really does it justice.

The house was packed with large antiques, and we wondered how the hell they got them up the staircase, which was stone, and spiral.
Here's the armoire in my room, you can see all the yarn in there.

There were three bedrooms, a bathroom with two sinks and a tub, and a separate room with just a toilet on the second floor. On the first day, the toilet seat broke, literally coming off the toilet. Which made things interesting. On the third floor there were two more bedrooms, and a good sized bathroom with a shower. So, really there were 9 people with one functional toilet, and one shower. Also, we found on the first day, that the stove was VERY small, with no broiler/grill, and the oven was only large enough for one dish, and took ages to come to heat, which proved a little challenging in cooking for 9 each night.

One of my favorite towns was Honfleur.

This is me, with my sisters.

Probably the most famous attraction in Honfleur is St. Catherine's Church, which is the oldest wooden church in Europe, built by ship builders in the 15th c.

Because of safety concerns (lightning strikes, storms) and structural concerns of the weight and long term effects on the wooden structure that ringing bells would have, a separate bell tower was built.

Ben and I lit a candle for Adam in St. Catherine's. Here we are outside.

We had lunch on the harbor, where I got my croque monsieur fix (the most delicious sandwich ever created), and where we were given this in much the way restaurants here would give you bread.

Ben and Moose totally cracked me up playing with them. This is probably my favorite photo of Ben.

And this photo of Moose KILLS me! She was doing her "French Chef" impression.

So there is some of Honfleur. If you want to see the rest, they're on Flickr. More soon!

Trip Recap, part 1 Sheep.

2007-10-19T16:42:00.000-04:00

So, I'm back. I got in Thursday night, around midnight, and my family stayed at mine for the night. We were all wired, and went to bed around 2:30, waking up at 6. Then yesterday, I was knackered, and fell asleep on the sofa, waking up all confused, crawling into bed and waking up this morning around 4:30. Good times. The weather has been rainy today and my knees are swollen like softballs. Interestingly, when in france, my lower spine swelled, too, that knob, above your bum and below your back was all swollen, and I kept joking with Moose I was growing a tail. I had a really wonderful time, and as always, when I visit England, I really have a hard time leaving.

I remember the first time Adam took me over. We'd been together about 3 months, and I knew I would marry this man. I was really nervous about visiting for the first time, because I knew there was a good chance we'd live there someday, and I was hoping I wouldn't hate it. I loved it. It's a difficult thing to explain, but going to England felt like going home to me. When I'm there, it's as if I can feel my pulse slow, my shoulders relax. I love it there. I always thought I'd live there with Adam someday, and now it looks like I may live there on my own someday. The main problem is expense. My in-laws are in a really beautiful part of the country, and even a teeny-tiny two bedroom would cost me around 550K. Ouch. I just wish I lived close enough to have my nephew for weekends, to see my sister more often, and to just... be there. Sure, it's not a perfect country, no country is, and maybe if I lived there some of the shine would come off, but I do love Blighty.

Ok, TRIP!

The trip to France on the Ferry was fine. I was really impressed with the ferry, being more used to the Cape Cod- Nantucket Ferry, and I thought it was really quite good.

We arrived at our Gite (more on that later), and the first thing I was thrilled to see were...

SHEEP!!!

Here is the view from my bedroom window- eat your hearts out.

That's an apple tree they're hanging out under.

What's that? You want more sheep? Of course you do!

Sheep on the run! Everyone except me loves lamb, and so every time they'd do they're little stampede, I'd shout "Don't run, I'm not a sheep eater, I'm not a sheeeeep eeeeeater!"

Now, most of the sheep were really shy. Except two. One was a lame sheep, who kind of broke my heart. We called him gimpy. My father in law would get us fresh bread and croissants each morning, and each night, there would be a tiny bit left, which we'd feed to the sheep. I am seriously hoping the odd crust of bread won't hurt them. Gimpy was the first one to come over and eat out of my hand. He was missing a hind foot, but got along ok.

This is me, feeding Gimpy. And here is one of my favorite photos of him. Or her. I'm not sure. There was only one definite ram in the bunch, which doesn't mean there weren't more. It's a little blurred, because there was always low light. We'd wake up with insane fog every morning (which is the only reason the area wasn't bombed in the war-- fog), and then we'd get home at dusk.

So that's our beloved gimpy. Sometimes we'd find apples on our side of the fence, and Ben would feed them to Gimpy. Near the end of our stay, much to our surprise, we were standing near the fence, and all of a sudden one of the sheep ring leaders came running up to us, to be petted and scratched. We found some left over bread and fruit for her, and for the last few days, every time we came out, she'd run over to the fence. Now, I'm especially curious if anyone can tell me what kind she is, her wool was so soft, I'm guessing Merino, but I'm sure people here can tell me.

Here are a couple more sheep shots.

Now, everyone in the family kept asking if I knew what sort they were. I, shamefully, did not. Bizarrely, I can feel a sweater and tell you it's fiber content with pretty good accuracy, but I don't know sheep breeds. And I should!

You can see the rest of the sheep photos here. I'd love it if you left a comment speculating on breed!

I did not knit as much as I thought I would on this trip. There WAS knitting, but we were out and about so much, and at night, we'd play games, so I really didn't have much knitting time, which was fine, but I packed WAAAAAY too much yarn!

Also my mother and sister had both said they wanted to learn on the trip, so I packed needles and cheap yarn for them, and when I'd ask if they wanted a lesson, they'd say NO! But someone did want to learn...

He did really well! It was hard, because by the time we'd get home at night, he'd be tired, and he'd have dinner and go to bed soon after, but he did enjoy the knitting, and once he got into it, he wanted to do it all the time. We'll work some more when I'm next over. I need to try and find him some short, fatter needles.

Ok, so that's all for now. I'm beat and in considerable pain, so I'm going to do some knitting of my own.

More on actual France tomorrow!

Bon Voyage!

2007-10-02T16:05:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone, for your kind words and suggestions. In the end, I am bringing the Cash Iroha, to do a two-colored Danica for the Moose. I am bring 10 skeins of silky wool to start the Garter Stitch Wrap from Scarf Style.

I am also bringing the Bar Harbor Shell bag. I find the written pattern a little ambiguous at times, but the designer has been great about answering my questions.

I mentioned I knit a little of it the other night, after the nightmare. I have to say, this pattern is totally addictive. Like the entrelac crack (which only rhymes if you pronounce it incorrectly, as entre-lack, I know, but if the president of the USA can consistently mispronounce words, then so can I, damn it). So I am brining that along, too.

Oh, I'm bringing my neutral Lady E to France, where I will be sure to call it "on-tra-lock" which is, how I think it's supposed to be pronounced. I have no doubt a French person in the know will correct me if I'm wrong! ;)

So this is it for a couple of weeks. Looking forward to reading about what you all get up to in the coming weeks, when I'm back on the 18th.

Bye!

Dreams and Nightmares.

2007-10-01T10:24:00.001-04:00

I had two dreams last night, which awoke and, in some ways, upset me. The first is one I have had many times before. It's a separation dream. As a child, if my parents were going away, which happened rarely, and left Moose and I in the care of our aunt, I would always have this dream that I died. I would dream that I died, and could see my loved ones, grieving for me. It would so upset me, that they were upset, that I would wake up in tears. Over the years I have had this dream over and over again, always at times when there was going to be a separation of sorts. I know what the dream means, but it doesn't make it any less disturbing.

The difficult thing is watching, so vividly, people grieving for you. And you can't do anything, can't tell them you're ok. I remember when Adam died, someone said "you know, he can see you, he's with you all the time," and I said, "I hope you're wrong. I hope he can't see me just now. I hope he can't see me for a little while. It would hurt him to see me this devastated. It would hurt him to see my pain, and he has been hurt enough."

I had the dream I died again, last night. And I was watching someone grieve for me, and again, I could not do anything to stop the pain, to reassure. I woke up in tears, and got out of bed, at 3 am.

On the plus side, I finished Ben's sweater sleeves, and started the Bar Harbor Shell bag, just to see how the pattern worked.

Finally, around 4:30, I went back to bed. I then dreamed again, just before I woke up, crying at 9:30.

I dreamed I met the man who has Adam's heart. I know he was 59 and living in New York, so he'd be 61 now. I wonder if he has children, and I remember hoping he did, when I found out he'd be getting Adam's heart.

In the dream, we were walking toward each other, and as we got close, and he began to speak, I reached out my hand, and placed it against his chest. I could feel his heart beat, and I stepped closer, holding him, placing my face against his chest, so I could hear his heart beating. Hear Adam's heart, beating. I remembered the thousand times I had lay with Adam, late at night, my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat as we talked into the wee hours of the morning. And I cried. I wept. But they were tears of joy, that this one thing had happened, and it was miraculous, and wonderful.

Packing Knitting Projects...

2007-09-30T10:01:00.001-04:00

I'm sick again! Not surprising, because I basically have no immune system, but still, I had hoped to avoid this, as I am going over to the UK on Wednesday. My Mom, Dad, and the Moose are all flying over to the UK, where we'll meet up with Adam's family, and then all of us are taking two cars and going across on the ferry to Normandy for a week in a gite.

Here is the house we are renting

It seems it is more or less in the middle of nowhere. There are 9 of us going, and the house has 5 bedrooms. The beds, however, look teeny.

Which will be tricky for my parents, in-laws and sister in law and her husband. And it will suck for me, if I have to share with the Moose. Well, it will suck for both of us. She steals covers, and I tend to crawl on and snuggle up to whoever is in bed with me at night. I also like to read late into the night. So if Moose and I have to share, we'll make do!

Here's a photo of the living room- the furniture doesn't exactly look... comfortable, does it?

But I am looking forward to having that fire lit. I love a nice fire.

I am also very excited to see Normandy. I have recently been watching Ken Burns' The War. If you haven't seen this documentary series yet, you really, really, must watch it. It is incredibly well done, and though I have read several historical accounts of WWII and seen other documentaries, this is one of the best I have seen, and deals only with American involvement in the War.

I will be packing a deck of cards, and my dad is bringing his cribbage board, so that'll be good. But there is no internet here, and I'm guessing tv will be a no-go, so for evenings, I am trying to plan what I'll need to bring, in terms of knitting.

One of the biggest problems I'm going to have with this trip is that because there are so many of us going over, and only in two cars, we need to pack very lightly. VERY lightly. So I am bringing a suitcase I normally reserve for a long weekend trip on a two-week trip. But I need to bring knitting!

I have been quite sick the past couple of days, and have not really done any knitting at all. So it's looking like Ben's Big Digger will be finished when I get home, and sent over to him. Which will be ok. But for the actual trip I am thinking I'll knit...

Clapotis. I have ten skeins of Blue Skye Alpaca and Silk,

but I have the sport weight. So I am trying to figure out how to make it the right size. I am thinking of using size 7 needles, and doing a couple extra increase rows... does this seem right to you guys? The color is black, so if I should run out of yarn, I can always get more black when I'm home. This would be my mindless knitting project.
Any hints or thoughts on using the sport-weight?

Cozy I have Silky Wool in a cream color for this, and I thought this would be my slightly more involved project.

OR I also have the yarn for The Bar Harbor Shell Bag

Which I am going to make in shades of red and hot pink for my aunt's birthday, coming up in November. Now the issue here, is if I bring this bag, then I need to bring the completed bag home, and I know if I complete Clapotis and/or Cozy when there I'll need to bring them, too, but at least I can wear them while on my trip, right?

And finally, I have several skeins of Noro's Cash Iroha, in two shades of blue. I am going to use these to make a scarf for the Moose.

Now, I am leaning toward using the the lighter blue, I have three skeins of that, and two of the darker blue. So I had initially thought of using the one color to do a cabled scarf for her. But then I wondered if there was a nice mosaic pattern I could do, that would be reversible, using the two colors together. Any ideas? The other idea I would LOVE to do, but am not sure a pattern exists, would be to do a cabled scarf where the two colors are used and wrap around each other. You know the look I mean? I'm sure I've seen it in sweaters, but am not sure there is a pattern for something like that out there. The other option would be to do an entrelac scarf for her using the two colors, woven in and out, which would be lovely, but I've been doing a lot of entrelac lately, and worry I might get bored with it.

Plus if I do entrelac I'm not sure I'd be able to figure out a good matching hat. Hmmm...

Any ideas?

I'm not sure I'll be posting again before I go, and I'll be gone for a while, so no worries if you don't hear from me. I won't have any internet for most of this trip.

But I'd love to hear your ideas on what I should pack for my knitting!

On the Edge

2007-09-27T16:22:00.001-04:00

Lucy's mirror is completed, and I'm not totally happy with the results.

Here is a photo of it.

Can you see the issue? The problem is the abalone I used on the edges is a lot thinner than the stained glass, and was too thin to get the grout in between, it's nearly flush with the wood. So I can just touch-up the white paint in the spaces, re-grout and cover the abalone, or start fresh. Thoughts? How bad does it actually look?

Make sure you click the photo to see the detail of what I'm talking about, and tell me the truth!

Also, the Moose is done. In order to keep it for her for Christmas, I'm not going to grout it for a while. Otherwise, as soon as it's done, I won't be able to not give it to her!

In other, knitting news, I am working away trying to finish Ben's sleeves for the Big Digger Sweater. I am knitting both sleeves at the same time, and it is taking ages. I have about 130 stitches on the needles now, and am doing St. st, with increases every 4 rows, which is some kind of knitting boredom torture. I have realized I hate knitting sleeves. Really hate it. Don't mind them in the round, don't mind if there is cables, or some kind of stitch, but knit a row, purl a row just bores the hell out of me!

Grouted

2007-09-26T08:55:00.001-04:00

I spent a large part of last night watching House, and grouting some of the projects I've been working on.

Here is Hannah's Mirror.

Now I just need to paint the edges white, and it's done! This mirror is Clear and Rose Quarts, white and pink sea glass, iridized glass, wispy and opaque stained glass, and patterned and straight mirror.

I used an antique white grout on both this mirror and the one for my in-laws.

This mirror is natural sea glass, with stained glass and mirror.

And finally, here is the frog, grouted. Needs it's edges painted, like the others. I dyed the grout a light green for this one.

I have been really enjoying the process. Moose enjoyed it, but said "it's a hell of a lot harder than it looks!" Some people do pieces with straight cuts, which can be a cool look, and I tried that out once, on the edge of my birdbath.

But I find the randomization of the cut pieces a lot more challenging, and I like the look. Also, even more difficult is doing shapes, like the leaves in the above photo.

But on the whole, anyone can do this. It is an expensive hobby. The 10" mirrors above cost about $17 each, before shipping. They're MDF, which is what most Mosaic is done on. Then there's the glass. Some glass is more or less expensive than other types, and like everything, I like the expensive kind. Then, there's the time factor. You glue your pieces down, let dry over night, and then you grout. Once you've grouted, you take a very small screwdriver (flathead), and carefully go around each piece, scraping off any accumulated glue or grout which may still be covering your edges. I really am enjoying it. I am not so much enjoying pulling all the glass out of my feet. Have I mentioned I really need a craft room?!

Blue & Pink

2007-09-24T17:07:00.000-04:00

My in-laws asked for a mirror that would remind them of Cape Cod.

(click on photos for more detailed view)

The stones around the center are sea glass. The rest are shades of blue and grey, with a little white and some cut mirror.

The next one is for my friend April's new baby girl, Hannah.

The center is clear and rose quartz, with white and pink sea glass.

These just need grouting, which will happen tomorrow, along with the frog and other projects.

Thanks to everyone for your nice words. No worries, I'll never be traditionally normal. I've always been a little too crazy for that!

Crawling Toward Normalcy

2007-09-23T22:30:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for your nice comments on the mosaic pieces. I am planning on doing up some small mirrors and possibly some frogs/mirrors for sale. We'll see how that goes.

I've been on the antidepressants for about a week now, and so far, so good. The main side effect has been exhaustion. I started on half a pill for the first week, and each time I'd take one, it was like I'd taken a sleeping pill. Then that started to get a little bit better, and then it was time to up the dose to a full pill, so I've started all over again with feeling exhausted again. Drugged exhausted, which is different from auto-immune-exhausted, and also different from depression-exhausted. But it's no big deal, I just crawl into bed with a book and sleep. It's crazy tired, though, I mean, even knitting is too much effort, so you know that's seriously tired. But I expect it will get better in time. I can't say I feel less depressed yet, but I know that will take some time, as well. And I am ok with that.

The only other noticeable side effect, which I knew would be an issue is the way alcohol effects me. Now, I'm not much of a drinker. I've always been a cheap date (in every sense, since I am allergic to fish/shellfish and with the Crohn's, can't tolerate filet mignon any longer!) but now it's ridiculous. When the Moose and I watched Snakes on a Plane, I had one and a half glasses of wine, and was totally off my head. Which was a good thing, let me tell you. That movie was crap. But I was drunk enough to get all excited for the infamous..."That's it! I've had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!" line. WOOO! Yeah, Moose laughed her ass off at me, on her third bottle of hard cider, and not in the least tipsy. What are you going to do?

The only other time I was this effected was when I was on the steroids, the last Christmas with Adam, and we were at my parents house for the holiday. I had bleeding ulcers in my stomach, from the Prednisone, and decided to have -literally- two sips of wine with dinner. Upon which I started laughing hysterically, and fell off my chair. Yeah. Alcohol straight into the bloodstream is an interesting experience. We all had a good laugh at that one.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've danced on tables in Savannah on St. Patrick's Day,

That's me on the far right. I don't know who the guys are. That's when I dyed my hair black, which I quite liked, but my father called me "Elvira" until it grew out.

There are more incriminating photos, but I'll spare you. I will, however, share with you this photo of the ladies room at the Ritz in London. I sneakily took this to show my mom when I went for tea once. Swanky, no?

And so, my friends, the point of that last photo is, that crawl though I may, I'll never really reach "normalcy" and I'm totally ok with that. I'll always be the kind of gal who takes photos of swanky bathrooms, because, well, why not?

In other good news thoughts, I didn't cry at all today, or yesterday. So, progress!

In other crappy news, a song I put on a Valentine's Day mix for R is now playing over and over and over again on a commercial, which is kind of a bummer. But you know, some things you just can't escape from. Even with medication.

Done, Done, Nearly Done...

2007-09-22T14:10:00.001-04:00

Moose has gone home, and we had a wonderful time. We never get to spend enough girl time together.

So I have several very nearly done things. to share with you.

First, I had a quick crochet lesson at a LYS the other day, and here are the crocheted ends of my Lady E. It's not single crochet... I'm not really sure what kind it was, but the result looks ok, I think.

Now I just need to figure out the crazy-ass fringe of a million knots. I don't expect that will go too well, but fingers crossed.

Secondly, I finished another Pinwheel Blanket.

Pattern- Pinwheel Blanket

Yarn- Araucania Patagonia Nature Cotton, Color 201, 3+ skeins

Needles- Denise Interchangeable, Size 9.

This just needs some ends woven in, and blocking.

Then we have Jemima. I bought a couple options for the placket. Here they are, on the grey sweater. As much as I LOVE that green, I'm thinking white will be the way to go. Thoughts?

Then onto Mosaics...

Lucy's mirror is done, just needs grouting.

And while Moose was here, she gave it a go, making Ben's name in red, yellow and blue, while I did this... which also needs grouting.

And, finally,Holly sent me some gorgeous sock yarn!

First, some knitpicks, to get myself going.

And then, some Fearless Fibers, in a really stunning green. I can't wait to try this yarn!

Thank you again, Holly. It's always nice to get something in the mail that doesn't include an invoice!

So that's all for now. Plugging away at Jemima's last sleeve, and, come to think of it, really need to do the sleeves on Ben's sweater!

WIP Wednesday

2007-09-19T15:15:00.000-04:00

Here is progress on Jemima...I have the front and back and one sleeve done. I wanted to bring it to the seaming class, but didn't have the sleeve completed yesterday.

What I did bring was the Big Digger Sweater, by Lucinda Guy. I seamed the shoulders in the class, and I think it came out really well.

And here is a detail of the seam...

And finally another Pinwheel in Progress, using Nature Cotton

And now some Mosaic work. This is, perhaps obviously, for the Moose.

And this is for my sister-in-law, a small mirror I'll be bringing over.

Here is a detail. I think one of the pieces looks a bit like a dolphin.

So that's it for the moment. The Moose herself is on her way up to visit me, and we're going to have a nice couple of girly, sister, bonding days. Which shall commence this evening, when we get pissed and watch "Snakes on a Plane."

Rock.

Good News, Bad News, and More Yarn Than I Know What To Do With

2007-09-14T10:23:00.000-04:00

No, the "more yarn than I know what to do with is not, in fact, the good news.

The good news is that after my family's visit yesterday, at least one room is completely sorted. May I present, my teeny tiny kitchen-

It really is tiny. We did carve out a place for part of my new glass collection, in a ridiculously small cabinet, as seen here. I have 6 jars out at the moment, working on a project, but you get the idea.

My mother descended on the living room, with a large bin, and put all the visible yarn in the house into the bin. Including yarn for projects I am currently working on, which are all more or less, at the bottom. I'm not sure the photo clearly demonstrates how large the bin is, but it's very big. The bags on top have cable needles, dpns and other sundries tucked in them.

So today I need to go through all of this lot, and figure out where to put it. I confess there is even more yarn in the bedroom closet. Oi.

And finally, the bad news. With the Moose here yesterday, I had another look at the sweater, and it is, indeed, MASSIVE. Way too big for her, and the stretch is completely out of control. She asked if it was a sweater or a dress. So I'm afraid I will have to re-knit it. Now, I knit it in the medium size, with a slightly shorter body and sleeves, so I'm not sure what to do. Do I make the small size, with even shorter sleeves and body? Do I knit the small size and not wet-block it? But then what happens when she goes to wash it? Should I just have her dry-clean it? Although I know they use liquids, too, so honestly, I am stuck. Any suggestions?

Stitches and Glass

2007-09-13T08:30:00.000-04:00

Thanks for all the kind words about the sweater! It's about dry and I haven't yet measured it, because, frankly, I don't know I want to know! I'm going to have to pick up the pieces (in more ways than one), because it's all over the floor, and one sweater takes up about a quarter of my living space. (Seriously). My family are coming today to help me organize more stuff, so I have to get it off the floor, and we'll see.

The post did make me realize something, there are some crazy bitches who read this blog. I thought I was crazy! CUT THE SWEATER?!! What, in my months of posting mediocre knitting, made you think I would even begin to ATTEMPT such a thing?! Honestly, you're not helping my craziness here. Although I'm touched you think I could pull it off! :)

I ordered some stitch markers I'd been coveting on Etsy for a while, and I could not be happier with them! Here are some photos, the detailing is amazing.

Woodpecker

Bluejay

I once had a pet bluejay, and even though they're sort of the hooligans of the bird world, I have a tendre for them. Isn't his little face adorable?

Chikadee

Goldfinch
This was hard to capture, because of the vivid yellow, which doesn't really translate here. Goldfinches mean a lot to me, because when Adam died, I think he sent me messages with Goldfinches. More on that another time.

And finally, the Cardinal. I love Cardinals. When I crushed my ankle the spring before Ad was killed, I had to stay on the couch with my foot over my heart for almost 4 months. Adam came home the first week with a little birdfeeder that looked like our house. He hung it in the tree right outside the window, so I could watch the birds. And I fell in love with a Cardinal who came, and ate, and brought a lady friend, and I watched their babies grow up, too. They come every year, and every time I hear his bright "Chirp!" I think of Adam.

I am enormously pleased with these, they were made by seller "Wee Ones" and I'll definitely be back for more.

Finally, here is a sneak peak at another mosiac project I started over a month ago and am getting finished up.

Blocking Scare

2007-09-11T18:30:00.000-04:00

So, I'm plugging away on Jemima, and Jen is totally kicking my tail.

I'm also blocking my Not Your Standard Issue Sweatshirt II, which I was inspired to make for the Moose, when I saw Tiennie's version of it. I even used the same yarn she did, Classic Elite "Duchess" in a very sweat-shirty grey, that Miss Moose herself chose.

I'm kind of scared. I'm actually really fucking scared. I did a gauge swatch and got gauge. I did wet and let the gauge dry and it bloomed a bit but nothing crazy. Well, now all the parts are out, and they have stretched MASSIVELY! I'm talking 3-6 inches in more or less every direction. So I'm praying it'll shrink up again, because I'm seaming it tomorrow at a local LYS, and right now it'd fit my dad. The Moose is quite petite, despite the nickname, so hopefully it won't be swimming on her. I don't want to have to completely re-knit it, but I will. If I have to. Or if Dad doesn't like it. ;)

So I have a confession. I'm a little bit of a stalker. Who do I stalk? Grumperina. Not that she reads my blog, but I just love her. I really am amazed by her skills. And she makes me laugh. I have a kind of girl crush on her. And I used to work in the city where she lives, and I am occasionally there for medical appointments, and I am always on the lookout for her. That is the extent of the stalkiness, so no need to warn her. Except maybe if some completely strange woman suddenly hugs her in Harvard Square, and she posts about it, it's probably moi. I just think she's such a craftigoddess. I read her blog all the time, and I don't comment much, because I'm too awe-inspired or something. Anyhow, love that gal. It's something to aspire to, knit-wise.

And I notice some blogs, you know, the ones that just everyone reads... they have the ads running up the side. And the ads generally relate to whatever the blog deals with. So I'm thinking mine would have a Little Knits ad (love them- they rock, and I spend a lot of my money there), and then there'd be an ad for a glass place, because I've been buying stained glass by the cart-load... and then probably Valium Ads, and maybe one of those "are you crazy" self tests that then take you to places to get valium... and what else? Oh! Shampoo and conditioner. You would not believe what I spend on shampoo and conditioner. And moisturizer. Oh, and stretch mark cream. The steroid situation of '04, the one that gave me facial hair but made my hair fall out, gave me weird fat pads, so I looked like a wet Gremlin, and helped me go from a size 2 to a 20 between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yep, well that last bit left me with stretch marks on a large portion of my body. DEEP marks. I actually went to a dermatologist to see about having them laser lightened, and she said I had so many and they were so severe, it would cost between six and seven thousand dollars! I said for that amount of money I can get a boob job and no one will notice the stretch marks!

She didn't laugh.

Finally, I mentioned earlier how I love Little Knits. I placed an order with them yesterday for a secret project, and then today I got an e-mail that they were offering free shipping. I of course just figured it was my usual bad luck, and didn't dwell on it, but they pay-palled me back the shipping! Love that.

Have a good night, folks.

Lighter Meme

2007-09-10T09:25:00.000-04:00

1. Three films you rented recently?

1. Out of Africa.

If you haven't seen this film, you really must rent it. Streep is perfection, and Robert Redford... well. Let's just say that the hair washing scene is enough to fuel my sexual fantasies for months. Ok, maybe weeks, but you get the idea. I used to tell Adam he should wear khakis more often because he'd look like Redford in Out of Africa. Also, he had a great bum. It didn't work, but the film really is a must-see.

2. Whale Rider.
Lara said that I had to see this, and she was right. I can't believe I didn't see it before, and it was certainly one of the best films I have EVER seen. Rent it as soon as you can. It's brilliant. Moving, funny, touching... everything you could want in a film.

3. Jurassic Park.

Ok, I know this is a little departure in genre, but I rented it again and man, do I love this film. Especially the soundtrack. Although now it's back into my head for probably another couple of years. But what a great film! And I'd forgotten Sam Jackson was in it. Although he gets eaten by Velociraptors fairly quickly. How fucking scary are those Velociraptors? I mean, seriously, those fuckers can open doors. I bet they could pick a lock with their toenails. Very bad news. Oh! And when the T-Rex (with his little arms) is running after the Jeep, and they see it in the rearview mirror and it is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and the mirror says "Objects in Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear"- BRILLIANT!

Now, when I first saw this film I was in High School and went on a date to see a film which I thought was a cute little film about dinosaurs. In the early ads for the film there was no indication that it was kind of a scary movie. Needless to say, all the 6 year olds and I were wetting ourselves. But it was a good film. And it's worth watching again.

2. Are you into any crafts other than knitting?

Yes. I got a sewing machine from Adam for my 28th birthday. I have been meaning to get more into quilting and thought it would happen this summer, I usually don't like to knit when it's really hot out. But the knitting held me, and I also don't really have space for making quilts. I need a dedicated craft room.

I've also gotten into making Mosaics this year. R gave me classes for my birthday, and I've really taken to it. Here is the mirror I made him-

The birdbath I've been working on for myself-

And a peek at a project I've been working on for my friend, Nils, who has commissioned me to make him a mirror for his bathroom.

The larger piece of glass is sea glass. I use a lot of beach glass and semi-precious tumbled stones along with cathedral stained glass, murano glass and other glass.

3. Any New Stash or Notions Acquisitions?

Always. A little while ago I was at a yarn store with R, and noticed him fondling this-

So when he left the shop I bought 3 skeins for a scarf for him. I'm thinking cabled. Complicated cables. But we'll see.

I also bought two skeins of this-

Cascade Eco Wool,for, you guessed it! A Hemlock Ring Blanket.

I also ordered some stitch markers from Etsy, and I'll post more about those when they arrive. I've also been considering making myself some stitch markers, but we'll see how that goes!

4. What Are You Listening To?

As always, kind of an eclectic mix of stuff. The Fray, an old System of a Down album, some old Shirley Bassey, and "You can Learn French in your Car"- yeah. My family and Adam's are all going to Normandy for a week in October, and I know Spanish, but not French. So far, I can ask where the bank is, and say "what is that?" Oh, I can also ask for the bathrooms, and for dessert. So I think I'll be ok. I don't have high hopes. But I don't drive much lately (crappy joints), so I haven't really dedicated myself to it in the way I'd planned. I figure there are a few key phrases I need to learn- "Is there a yarn shop?" "I am allergic to fish and shellfish" and "I am American, but I did not vote for Bush. Either time."

5. Name Five Things On Your Knitting Wishlist?
Oh, this one is easy! I have a big-ass Amazon Wish List full of books, most are knitting.

1.Victorian Lace Today I want to make myself this-

2. Knitting Classic Style

3. A Gathering of Lace

4. Some Cashmere Indie Silk in this color

From Little Knits

5. A set of Knit Picks Options Needles. In the regular Nickel, I think. I love wood needles, but am not loving the coloring on the wooden ones.

So I have enough on my wish list for now, I think. And that's only scratching the surface! :)

Ok, so there are 5 questions. If you read this, consider yourself tagged!!

Congratulations....

2007-09-09T17:18:00.000-04:00

Tiennie!

Tiennie has won a $35 gift certificate of her choice in honor of Adam's 35th birthday.

Want to know how I randomly selected someone? Here is what I did- I get an e-mail every time anyone leaves a comment on the blog. I took all of those e mails and moved them into a separate folder. I included comments in posts from "Swoony" onward. I then put my fingers on the page up and down buttons and moved the cursor up and down all the posts while singing "Happy Birthday." (I should note I sang it very loudly and off-key, as I am known to do. I used to sing opera, so I always sing happy birthday loud and off key;).)

When I got to the end of the song, I lifted up both fingers and the person whose name I had stopped on was Tiennie's. More specifically it was her comment from the Give Away post, although she and several other people had more than one comment entry. So, that's it!

Tiennie, please let me know where you'd like your gift certificate from! Amazon? Little Knits? WEBS? Totally your choice, and congratulations.

In the meantime, I will be having another contest very soon, for a LOT of silk garden scraps, including at least one full skein, for a Lady E, or the project of your choice!

Today has not gone well. But I didn't really expect it to. I think I'm going to have a nice hot shower, throw on some sweats and head to Panera for some soup. I need soup.

Happy Birthday, Adam

Random Musings

2007-09-08T21:26:00.000-04:00

First, I want to thank you all for your very kind comments. I'm looking forward to drawing someone's name for the gift certificate tomorrow! Also, I'll be having a silk garden scrap giveaway in the coming weeks, and there is a lot of scrappage to send out. SO stay tuned for that one.

On the knitting front, I'm knitting like a crazy person. Crazy in that I am working on a shitload of projects, all at once, and also, let's face it, I'm a little crazy. Don't feel like knitting the sleeves for Ben's sweater? Back to the front of Jemima, sick of Stockinette stitch? Let's finish the hood on the sweatshirt (the yarn I needed to finish came in today!). And I'm wrapping up the Jewel toned Lady E, and getting ready to crochet the edge on the nature-toned one. I've also just cast on for the Cobblestone sweater for R. Always wanted to make him a sweater when we were dating, but didn't because of the curse. But now it's safe, so I've got 13 skeins of Skye Tweed with his name on them.

I've also been thinking about sock knitting more lately. I keep coming across socks you all have knit, and thinking I really should make a pair. They still scare me, a little. Maybe it's because I've never seen/held/worn a pair of handknit socks? Maybe. I don't know, but I suspect this winter I'll casting on my first pair.

I'm taking a private lesson in seaming this week, for my sister's sweater. It's my first seaming, and I really don't want to fuck this up. I have four doctors appointments this week, so I'm squeezing it in between all of that good fun.

The thing about my own knitting, is I'm never really happy with the way things I make turn out, with the exception of scarves and shawls. Oh, and hats. Those I am good at, but sweaters? Not so much. I just feel like everything looks like crap. But it's ok, it'll get better, I hope.

So, as many of you know, tomorrow would have been Adam's 35th birthday. I still can't believe he's gone. I really can't. I mean, I don't often actually expect him to walk through the door much anymore, and I've accepted that he's not in MY life, but the reality that he's just not here, not here... it's really hard to explain. If you'd met him, you'd know what I mean. The guy who drove us to the airport, twice- he got all teary when he came to get me solo and asked where Adam was. The guy who came this year to turn on my sprinklers was really upset... people who seriously only met him once have been really upset when they hear he was killed. He just made such an impression. I just miss him, so much.

The really wonderful thing about love is how totally complete it can make you feel. And the thing about having it taken from you is how utterly and totally hollow it leaves you. I have never felt so completely alone. So totally hollow. I'm seeing a psychiatrist this week, going back on antidepressants. No one should cry as much as I do, and my house is a pit. It's like I walk in, and my first thought is I've been robbed, the place has been tossed- ransacked- but no, that's how it is. And that's not normal. I mean, it's not the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen or done, but enough is enough, you know? Tomorrow, as my gift to Adam, I'm going to try and get a lot of sorting done. It's really hard, because a lot of it are his things, or large files like his hospital records and autopsy reports and things which are just in large piles, because it rips my fucking heart out to even look at that stuff, but I have to do it. It's time. And I'd rather really do anything except what I'm going to try and get done tomorrow. My parents offered to come and help me, but I don't want them to see how totally distraught the process will make me. I'm all sorts of messed up.

But I'll get better. I'm working on it. I'm a work in progress. Like my knitting.

Give Away...

2007-09-06T19:33:00.000-04:00

This Sunday would have been Adam's 35th birthday. In honor of his birthday, I'll be giving away a $35 gift certificate to one of you. What gift certificate? Your choice from Amazon.com/uk, Yarn.com, or the .com of your choosing, so long as it's one I'm not afraid to give my credit card details to!

Adam was such an incredibly generous person, especially with me. Literally almost every day he came home with some little thing he saw somewhere for me. It was incredibly sweet and thoughtful and generous of him, and I always appreciated it.

So, in honor of Adam, leave a comment between now and Sunday. Any comments left in the last couple of posts will automatically be entered. I'll choose someone at random on Sunday evening, and that person will get the gift certificate of their choosing.

I will also be making a donation to the children's charity which has a fund in Adam's name in honor of his birthday.

So, if you lurk, now is a good time to say "hi"- and to my friends who I know read this but never comment, wouldn't it be a kicker if one of you won?!

Good luck.

Digging In

2007-09-04T18:29:00.000-04:00

I am still knitting along on Jemima. I've also ordered a bit more yarn, in the same dyelot,to finish Moose's sweater. In the meantime, I've been working on the "Big Digger Sweater" from Lucinda Guy's "Handknits for Kids"

I obviously need to do some practicing with intarsia, but I don't think it looks awful, and hopefully blocking will smooth it out.
The instructions for this sweater are a bit more ambiguous than I'd like. But I'm a needy knitter. I like things really spelled out. And there are no "finished measurements" which makes me kind of wonder how to best go about blocking this sucker. But we'll see.

Here are a couple of pics. The digger in the book has a "scoop" in a different color, but I decided to do it all in yellow. There will be some embroidery (wheel, tires, accents, etc) to come.

This is the front.

The stripes are light blue, but because it's late and I needed to use the flash, they look white. Actually, they look a bit lighter than I'd like without the flash, but "light blue" is Ben's favorite color, so I had to nip some in, someplace!

Here is the back-

And here is a real close up, so you can see how lousy my knitting looks, up close!

I've finished the earth toned Lady E. I need to do the crochet edge (need to learn crochet) and figure out the fiddly fringe, but she's all bound off. Interestingly, when blocking it, I realised there was a dropped stitch in the middle of one of the squares. Based on where it is, I'm guessing this was about the time of the trial, but my solution was to pull the stitches back up and through. Then I took some yarn in a similar color and just wove it through the back end, as if it were an end piece. I wove my way over to the dropped stitch, looped it tightly through that stitch and continued weaving. Not ideal, but hopefully it'll work. I'm sure as hell not going to rip back all that entrelac! If you have any other ideas/ suggestions as to how to fasten off that errant stitch, I'd love to hear them.

So that's all for now, more pics of Jemima and other knits soon.

59 Swans

2007-09-02T19:26:00.000-04:00

Today I feel like the odd swan out in Yeats' Wild Swans at Coole

Know what I mean? Here's the poem. One of my fave's from my Brit Lit days, and one that has been on my mind a lot, lately.

The trees are in their autumn beauty,
The woodland paths are dry,
Under the October twilight the water
Mirrors a still sky;
Upon the brimming water among the stones
Are nine and fifty swans.

The nineteenth Autumn has come upon me
Since I first made my count;
I saw, before I had well finished,
All suddenly mount
And scatter wheeling in great broken rings
Upon their clamorous wings.

I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,
And now my heart is sore.
All’s changed since I, hearing at twilight,
The first time on this shore,
The bell-beat of their wings above my head,
Trod with a lighter tread.

Unwearied still, lover by lover,
They paddle in the cold,
Companionable streams or climb the air;
Their hearts have not grown old;
Passion or conquest, wander where they will,
Attend upon them still.

But now they drift on the still water
Mysterious, beautiful;
Among what rushes will they build,
By what lake’s edge or pool
Delight men’s eyes, when I awake some day
To find they have flown away?

Hand me Down Knits

2007-08-30T10:25:00.000-04:00

I'm just back from a wonderful visit with my best friend, Lara, her husband Kevin and their baby, Sam. My mother and I went down for a week, and it was wonderful. I'm pretty exhausted, but it was totally worth it.

Here is a photo of Sam and I. Love this kid.

This is Lara and I with Sam. Lara has been mentioned several times in my blog. She is my best friend, more like a sister, really. She has saved my ass more times than I can count. She's an amazing person and a really stellar mom.

She also has a flatter stomach than I do. Which is wrong in so, so many ways!!

But wait! This is a knitting blog! So, when I went to visit I brought with me a bunch of hand-me downs from my friend April. Included was two hats I had knit for her son, Brady...

This is a doggie hat. When I saw the photos, I realized an end is poking through the hat. Which makes me want to ring Lara and have her tuck it back through, but I know she's a little
busy at the moment!

And finally, I had forgotten I knit Brady a Bunny Hat. Based on the Stitch n' Bitch pattern. Now Sam has it.

Here he is, ready to face a chilly day.

And this photo KILLS me. Makes me think of "A Christmas Story" and makes me want to make a matching outfit for it!

While I was there, I nearly completed the "Not Your Standard Issue Sweatshirt, Take Two"- but I ran out of yarn!
I'm just working on the hood, the last piece, and I thought I had one more skein, but I cannot find it anywhere, so I've ordered some more yarn. Ack.

Today I am going to work on Jemima. I've been working on this pattern with Jen, and she's now WAY ahead of me. I admit, I've put it off because I find the tubular cast-on SO fiddley.

And finally, will be starting work on a Mosaic project this week. Photos to come.

Swoony!

2007-08-19T14:25:00.000-04:00

So, I fainted today. It's happened a couple of times, the first was when I was sick with Crohn's, but not diagnosed yet. I was planting in the garden and conked out.

It's happened once or twice again, when I was really anemic, and then today I decided to do some weeding. It's really nice and cool out today, so I decided to take advantage of it, and go for it, even though I still have a fever. This time it wasn't so bad. More of a swoon than a faint. I had all these little bright floaty things in the corner of my vision, then large dark spots, and I felt my knees kind of buckle. I think I was only out for a few seconds. So, I'm back inside now. Going to sit on the couch and knit for a while. Even changed into pj's.

All in all, I'm just fine. It was very Gone with the Wind, without the rockin' clothing.

So much for cleaning/organizing today. It's frustrating, not having the strength/energy to do what I want to do. Adam used to do so much, and before I got sick, I had so much energy. It's harder than I thought it would be. Taking care of this house. By myself. But I'll manage.

In closing, here are some photos of my house...
here's a photo of the crafting shelf of my bookcase... there are more knitting books in the bedroom, other bookcase, car... but most are here.

And here is the trunk where I store a lot of my yarn. On top is a photo R took, and I just love it- it's a goat in Ireland, he now guards my stash. I love this photo so much.

Can you see my little penguin peeking out? Story on him in another post.

And here is a lamp that once belonged to Adam's mum. I love this lamp, so much, and my father in law was kind enough to give it to me on my last visit. R rewired it for me, and here it is. I have a kind of a lamp fetish.

The little pottery piece was something my sister in law made for Ad and I- it has my nephews little hand print on it. I love it. And yep, that's a wooden sandpiper behind, as well. I like wooden birds.

This is my Hoya blooming. Make this one bigger if you can, it's pretty cool. It's starting to release the syrupy sweet smelling stuff, which means it's almost done blooming.

Here's the other bookcase, with some nudes. I like nudes. I even have nude lamps. Seriously.

And finally, here's a photo I bought at a local gallery/frame store. R took another pic, of a boat called the "Miss Anne" and I'll frame that soon. Am going to start a collection of photos of boats called Anne. Why not? But I do love this one.

So that's a peek inside my house. I'd show you more, but honestly, you couldn't really see it for all the clutter!

Rippit

2007-08-18T18:23:00.000-04:00

Headed to the frog pond is the Sweatshirt sleeve. Ugh. Pattern is a 10 row repeat and it said to increase every 6th row. Which I took to mean "every row 6" but which of course, as written, meant every 6th row. I'm such an ass.

Here is the sleeve, to be ripped. Was 3/4 done.

Pardon the flash, but it's in the living room and it's getting dark! Just wanted to show you what I did today, as I'll have nothing to show for it tomorrow!

The pattern reading I find frustrating. I need patterns writers to be VERY specific. Even on patterns where they are praised for clear instructions, it isn't always clear to me!

WIPs

2007-08-17T13:32:00.001-04:00

Here is Jemima, the back side, cast off. My tubular cast on is crap and looks wonky, but will hopefully even out when I block it!

At the same time, I am working on Not Your Standard Issue Sweatshirt, Take 2.
Here's progress on that- it's for my sister.

Lots of seed stitch...

And cables.

Both knit in comforting, yet grey yarn. Fitting.

Yarn Pron

2007-08-15T11:10:00.000-04:00

So I may have mentioned that with the convergence of many unpleasant events over the past few weeks, I've bought some yarn. Er... here it is. The first batch, anyhow.

I'm making myself a Log Cabin Blanket, using Silky Wool. Now that it's arrived, I'm not so sure about the orange- it's lighter than I thought it would be, and Moose would love this color, so I may order a few more skeins for a sweater for her, and then replace the skeins with another brown/green.

Any thoughts on the orange, or a replacement brown or green for it?

This one was taken with a flash, mistakenly, but I liked the way it really highlighted the colors, where usually flash washes them out and misrepresents...

Then we have the Skye Tweed in the Heath colorway-

I got 13 skeins of this, to make Rupert the Cobblestone sweater from the new IK. It's very him, I think, and since we've gone back to being friends, it's safe to make him a sweater!

It's hard having these yarns on hand and not knitting them, just yet- but I'm still working on the Lady Eleanor's, and I have also been doing a little knit along with
Jen. Have you seen her blog? Go have a look if you haven't she takes the most amazing cat photos and is a really talented knitter. Her talent is further evidenced by her patience with me. We're working on

Jemima by Anna Bell, both of us are using Cashsoft DK, and I'll have a photo of my progress up soon. It's not much to look at quite yet. The tubular cast-on was tricky and I was especially pestery with Jen on it!

So that's it for now. Am really trying not to look at all the other yarns!

Stuff you REALLY need to know about

2007-08-13T10:50:00.000-04:00

So, I have spoken to a lot of friends about this, but there are some things you all should really know. They're not nice things to think about, but they're important things.

1. Life Insurance. If you're married, or co-habitating with someone, get life insurance. Get enough to pay off the mortgage, pay off all the debt, and have some left over. This goes for men and women. A lot of times, if the man is the primary bread-winner, they won't insure the woman for as much, but if you've got kids, and the woman dies, who is going to take care of those kids while the man is winning the bread? You're going to have to hire a nanny or other child care and it's not cheap. When Adam died, I had to hire people to pick up the trash, mow the lawn, etc... I've got a couple medical issues, so it's harder for me than most, but either way, losing a spouse is horrid enough, without having to worry about how you'll pay your bills, what you'll do when the roof needs repairing, etc. Money doesn't make it better, but not having it can make it a hell of a lot worse. Also, Adam's memorial service was about $10,000, and that was a basic service- no church service, no burial plot, a very simple casket for cremation, etc. So keep that in mind, as well.

2. Last Will and Testament
I know, they cost money, and no one likes to think about why you'd need one, but if you have anything of value, if you own a house, own a car, have more than a hundred dollars in your bank account, get a will, and do it now. This goes double if you're married or have kids, but even if you're single, if you OWN ANYTHING worth anything, and don't want the State/Govt. to basically inherit your goods through taxes, etc, get the damn will. You'll need to name an executor/executrix (by the by, having been an "executrix" I can't tell you how often I though Dominatrix, which is the only other time I've heard "trix" used for the feminine), and this person should be someone who more or less has their shit together. There's a lot of paperwork involved, even with a will, so keep that in mind. But do it. Find the couple of hundred it takes to have a will made up, and then put it somewhere safe and give your best friend, grown child, sibling, etc. a copy. Just in case.

3. Teach your Spouse
Most relationships, mine included, fall into this comfortable rhythm where the man handles certain things and the woman handles other things. If you died tomorrow, think about what your spouse would be left hanging on. Can he operate the washer/dryer/oven? Does he know where you keep certain things, when certain things are paid, how to make some basic dinners? If he died, do you know where certain tools are kept? How to change the filter in the furnace, and when it needs to be done? Do you both have a really firm grasp on what you owe to whom, where the money/investments you have are, etc? Make sure you do. It's ok to each handle things, but make sure, just in case, that you both have a rough idea of what running your house involves, for everyone.

4. Last Wishes
I was lucky, in that over the course of our relationship we did talk about what we wanted done when we died, more or less. I knew Ad wanted his organs donated, and they were (a note on this, it's important your spouse knows what you want done and is on board. As strongly as Ad felt about organ donation, if I'd said "no" it would have been a no-go, no matter what was on his license or on the card in his wallet), I knew he wanted to be cremated, but not really what he would have wanted done with his ashes. I think I did ok there. But I was lucky in really having a sense of what he'd have wanted. Talk to each other. Do you want to be cremated or buried? If you're cremated, you can still be buried, or scattered, or turned into diamonds, or kept on the mantle, any number of things, really. It sucks to think about it, but do think about it and make sure you each know what the other wants. If you're single, tell your parents/siblings, etc. I cannot even begin to tell you how fucking horrid it is to have to go through this experience, and hopefully you won't have to deal with it for a very, very long time, but when you do, it's immensely comforting to think "this is what he wanted" - it takes a lot of the "what the hell do I do now" out of the situation and gives the person who is bereaved some focus.

5. STUFF
Now maybe this could have been in with the Will, and maybe it should be, but honestly, you'll probably just leave everything to your significant other. Makes things a lot easier. That being said, think about the other people you're really close to, and think about what you would want them to have of yours, if you died. I didn't have anything like this, and I really struggled to find some things of Adam's to give to his family and closest friends. So I have a list. My diamond studs go to Lara, my engagement ring is to be split up with side stones going to sister in law and center stone to my sister, my knitting stuff to someone, my sweaters to someone, etc... Just write up a list and tuck it away somewhere that your survivors could find it. IF there's any chance you've got a family who will fight over shit, and from the brief stint with a window support group I had, I know this can apparently OFTEN be the case, then put this stuff into a will. But if your family is like mine, it's fine to leave everything to someone, and then let that someone know that you want certain people to have certain things.
I know, it's just stuff. But I often wonder if I did things right. I wonder if there is something in a box in the basement that Adam would want some University friend to have, or whatever. I asked all the people who he was really close to, what they'd like, but no one was comfortable with this, even though I assured them that if it was something that I wasn't ready to part with, they'd have to think of something else. But no one likes to talk about this stuff, or think about it, so just make a list, you know, if there are things that matter.

6. Why Get Married?
I've known a few people who, are for the most part, married, but for one reason or another, they don't actually get married. The reason I'm about to get into is also the reason I sited when writing to my congressmen, supporting gay marriage.
When Adam was in the hospital, he was in the ICU for three days. If we had not been married, I would not have been able to go and sit with him. The ICU is for immediate family, only, and girlfriends and boyfriends do not qualify. The rest of Adam's immediate family were in England, and if it weren't for us being married, he would have been alone. He would have died alone, with his family on their way. That thought horrifies me.

Also, it varies from state to state, but I think for the most part, if you leave your estate to a non-spouse, that person is more or less totally fucked by taxes. Spouses get something of a break. There is something called an "affidavit of surviving spouse" which allows you to sell your husband's car when he dies. There is no affidavit of surviving significant other.

Which brings me to one last point- put everything in both names. EVERYTHING! The house, the cars, etc... I cannot tell you what an everloving pain in the ass it is when things are in the deceased person's name. Adam was the primary breadwinner and most everything was in his name, and you would not even BELIEVE the fucking paperwork. Just to pay the mortgage, they wouldn't release information to me, because my name was not on the paperwork. We never thought it was a big deal, but we were wrong.

So that's it, really. But you all need to know this. I'm amazed at how many friends are married, but don't have a will, or only have a little life insurance. I was partly in this boat, and when Ad was killed, it seemed so stupid, we had appointments for life insurance a month after he died. When you're young, you just don't think you need to worry about it yet, and hopefully, you won't. But go and do it. Make the appointments this week, and just get it sorted. You'll NEVER regret that you made all the arrangements, but you'll definitely regret it if you don't.

Silk Garden Scrap Give Away

2007-08-10T10:45:00.000-04:00

Thank you to everyone who made such nice comments about my Lady Eleanors! I am planning to give away the scraps I have left over, for someone else to do a scrappy E. So stay tuned, once I'm done, I'll have some sort of contest, probably just have you leave a comment if you're interested, and I'll put them in a hat and send them off to someone! So if you think you'd like to do a scrappy E, or if you have use for a bunch of random Silk Garden, stay tuned!

I Miss You

2007-08-08T21:28:00.000-04:00

September 9, 1972- August 8, 2005

.

Short Row a Go- Go.

2007-08-07T11:59:00.000-04:00

Weird title, but that's what I keep thinking!

Firstly, the weather here has been crap, and so I am needing to take these photos inside,and it's hard to get the photos looking right in low light with no flash, so I apologize for that.

First, another couple of photos of the multi-directional scarf.

This was a really fast knit.

Secondly, here are some updated photos of my Lady Eleanor. This is the first thing I've knitted for myself in AGES!

Going to be weaving in a lot of ends!

Now, I think I mentioned before that I have bought a lot of yarn for this, but people from the knitty board also sent me their scraps. I decided to do earth tones and wasn't sure what to do with the gorgeous jewel tones I had received. So, I bought a shitload more yarn and am making a second Lady E, this one will be donated to my dad's agency, for the next silent auction. Really need to get some photos of this in the sun, but here are a few photos...

So, that's what I've been up to lately. This is after all, first and foremost, a knitting blog.

Thank you

2007-08-06T20:37:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for your kind words. It's been a culmination of things that's had me down lately.

Do I start with the hardest and go toward easier? Hmmm. Here is the deal, in random order.

First, today is the day I wrote about in my "Dread" post. If you haven't heard Wendy's podcast yet, please do go listen, she and Marty really did such an amazing job. Two years ago today was the accident. Two years ago on the 8th, Adam died. So it's a hard week.

Last week, R and I decided to call our relationship quits, and go back to being friends. That is the product of a lot of things, but it was nothing acrimonious, no fighting. And he's stuck with me for good. He's an amazing guy and I'm lucky to have him. Needless to say, it's been hard for both of us, but we're determined to muddle through the inevitable rough patch, we've done it before. We've been through a lot.

So, that's been hard, very sad.

On top of the emotional things, I've been sick for almost a month. I'm not responding to antibiotics and I had to go back in for more blood work on Saturday. I may need a little IV intervention in the form of drugs and fluids, and that's ok. But because I've had a fever for a month, I haven't been able to get Remicade. So the pain and fatigue are joining in with the fever, sickness and depression and the results have been somewhat rough, to say the least.

I am knitting like a maniac. Mainly because that's what I do when I am borderline seriously crazy.
I'll be pestering you all for suggestions on what to do with a ton of yarn I recently bought.

Thanks to all of you for your support. I really appreciate it, so very much.

What do I do when I'm sad?

2007-08-03T16:48:00.000-04:00

And lately I have been very, very sad.

I knit like crazy. I made this yesterday. It's a scarf and hat made from three skeins of Noro Transitions, for my Uncle's birthday.

The photos are not great, but I feel like crap and am, as aforementioned, very sad. So you'll forgive me, please.

The other thing I do when I'm sad? I change my hair. I'm growing it to donate again, but I had some caramel highlights put in. Here is another crappy photo, of moi, taken with the mac. I look like crap, I'm sick and have been crying a lot, but you can sort of see the hair.

Did it work? Well, not really. But it's ok. I'll cease the crying, someday.

Go, Now.

2007-08-02T22:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, if you haven't heard it yet, you have to go over to Wendy's Podcast.

She and Marty chose my dread post for their show, which I found really touching, and she did an amazing job with it. Wendy and Marty, thank you. I'm so touched. You guys fucking rock. And, if you haven't bought her candles, buy them, they're brilliant, much better than anything else out there (my faves are Sandalwood Amber and Lavender).

Oh, and you can search "squirrel venom" in the top left. Wen, I can't believe you remembered that post!

Sentencing

2007-07-31T10:29:00.000-04:00

Well, it's done. I went to the courthouse with my family, including Adam's dad, who flew in from the UK, and R, who was one of Adam's closest friends. We went into the courtroom and after a couple of wife beaters and rapists came through and pled whatever and postponed their dates, our case was called. I didn't expect them to read the accident report. I didn't expect to have to hear that. I didn't ever want to hear those particular details again, but they read it, which made me lose my composure. My father in law, John and I went up, and I read a statement from Ad's sister, then John read his statement, and I read mine. She pled guilty and made a statement that she was very sorry. The thing is, telling me you're sorry in court, while waiting for your sentence is a little like when, as a child, you're forced to apologize to a sibling, or face sitting in time out on the stairs or something. You know what I mean? Too little, too late, lady. And I think I made that clear. She lost her license for good and was given a $500 fine to charity, which is total bullshit. I mean, I didn't expect them to put the old lady in jail, but she's not poor, and I think $5K would have been a better start. But there wasn't anything I could do on that score. I tried, but I failed. I also made peace with things. As much as I could. And so that chapter is closed.

Headed to the frog pond...

2007-07-23T09:01:00.000-04:00

I fear, is the clapotis I've been working on. I ordered 4 skeins in Aslan, but two are from one dye lot and the other two are from another. Hmmm. How these things happen, I don't know. Well, actually, I do know, but anyhow. There are a number of things to learn from my impatience.

1. Don't buy really expensive yarn unless you've seen it in person, or are very sure you'll get what you think you'll get. Mainly, remember to check dye lots!

2. That thing they say, about switching skins to prevent pooling? Yeah, it's true.

But here's the thing, I realize I don't really like multi-colored yarn. Just, not really my thing. And it's nothing to do with the pooling.

And as for the two dyelots, well, this I do find really weird. One is all natural colors, as seen here-

But the other 2 skeins, also called "Aslan" have pinks and aquas in them, which I did NOT want for this project. As seen here-

and here-

I'm not really sure why Lorna's does this. I get having slightly different shades of a color in a dye lot, but completely different colors? Well, in my opinion, that's a new colorway, not a new dye lot!!

So, really, I think I need to sell the two skeins (one wound into a ball, one not) that have the pink/aqua in them, and then figure out what to do with the other two skeins...

In this last photo, you can really see the "switch" between the two dyelots... not good, mostly, in my opinion, because I don't care for the colors in the newer dyelot. But I was panic knitting before the sentencing, which is now done and which I will tell you about later.

So, if anyone wants the two skeins with the pink/aqua let me know! I got the yarn at a good price :)

It's better than booze, right?

2007-07-11T11:28:00.000-04:00

So, things have been stressful lately. And I'm getting sick. Sick and stressed. Sick of being stressed. Sick because I'm stressed? Who the fuck knows. But know this, when stressed, buy yarn. Buy a lot of yarn, and do it as fast as you fucking can. And so. Today's purchases.

First, I've ordered this pattern-

Jemima.

And I ordered the yarn, or what I thought was the right yarn. Hopefully this will work out- I was meant to order RYC Cashsoft DK, but ordered Aran by accident. Hopefully I can make it work.

I ordered it in this color-

So what else did I order?
Stumbled across a great e-bay seller and went a little nuts...
Several skeins of these for the Lady Eleanor-

I'll have to pick the turquoise out, but love the rust shades-

Also, how gorgeous is this?

And,

Finally, I have been going back and forth on this, and just decided to go for it, so I bought 4 skeins of Lion and Lamb to make myself a Clapotis. The colorway is Aslan

Now I wait for it to be delivered. Waiting on a lot of things, actually, but this one I'll look forward to arriving.

Still Knitting...

2007-07-08T09:59:00.000-04:00

I'm still knitting!

A while ago, I asked here, and on Knitty, for people to please send me little odds and ends of Silk Garden, if they had some. And they did! Along with the 7 skeins I've bought so far, I'm using them to make a Lady Eleanor. The problem was, I wanted something in earth tones, because I am making this for myself, and it is the first thing I have made for myself in years. Silk Garden is one of my favorite yarns, but man, they sometimes really fuck up a color palette, you know what I'm saying? Brown next to fluorescent pink? Not so much. So, like the crazy person I am, I am picking through and taking only the bursts of color I want for this project, and am tucking the really bright colors aside for a to-be-determined later project.

Enough with the rambling- have a look at some photos. It's in progress!

Can you see my hair trapped in there? Honestly, I feel sometimes, like I am knitting with as much of my own hair as yarn...

Here are some of my little picked through balls, ready for knitting, with my favorite mug- you like?

So that's it for now. Taking a break from baby knitting, and making something I hope to wear a lot this fall.

Mosaic Progress

2007-07-07T13:51:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments. We were married at Birtsmorton Court, a 12th century moated manor house in England. It was an amazing day.

Here are some updated photos of the birdbath. I'm working on the pedestal now and decided to do vines, in large part to distract me from my anniversary and also because I am a little insane.

Here it is- work in progress...

Three Years Ago, Today

2007-07-05T20:36:00.001-04:00

On Ravelry!

2007-07-03T11:46:00.001-04:00

Finally. As Knittibell. So add me, ok? I'm still trying to figure out how to add photos...

Birdbath Update and other happy things

2007-07-02T17:32:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all of you, for your very kind comments in my previous post. I had intended to delete it after I wrote it, but ended up having to run out the door, and forgot. Sometimes I need to just vent, and I do it here sometimes, and I'm sorry if I can be a bit heavy sometimes. (wow, how many times did I say "sometimes??!" You guys rock.

Ok, so. Happy things.

Firstly, and most importantly, my dad got his PET Scans back and the cancer seems to be officially gone!!! He'll need careful monitoring and tests, but I am so, so thankful that it seems he'll be ok.

Secondly, my garden is doing nicely. It's such a source of joy for me. R mentioned the other day I should get a camera with a big zoom lens (he was more technical than that), for taking photos of my birds. I have a pair of Orioles this year. Very exciting.
There is a climbing rose that is doing amazingly well this year- here is one batch of flowers- they're incredibly fragrant and such a gorgeous red- I didn't fuck with the colors, this is what they look like-

They're fading, but check out these buds!

And this baby, I can't remember what it's called, but someone here might know!
It has another shoot coming up with loads of buds, as well...the bracelet I'm wearing was my 30th birthday gift from my parents and sis...

The lavender is also exploding, you may be able to see some in the background of the rose photo.

And now- the birdbath. It's coming along. Once all the major work is done, I'll need to do a lot of fiddly fill work...

Here is one of the leaves, with no flash...

Here is an over all pic.

Originally I thought I'd do the edge in cobalt, but then decided to mix it up. I also usually (ha! This is my second piece!), prefer to work very organically, not using perfect geometric shapes, but decided to give it a go for the edges. I personally find it easier, but less interesting to look at.

Here's another pic. That's my blood! I didn't realized I'd sliced a knuckle fairly deeply until I saw the blood on the concrete!

Here's some detail of the edge- it's amazing the difference when it's grouted and the excess glue is wiped/scraped off!

So that's it for now! Thanks again for all of your support.

DREAD

2007-06-29T15:44:00.000-04:00

As a child, dread was simple, going to school to face a girl who was popular, and mean to me. Hearing my sister yell "MOM!" and knowing she was going to out some misdeed I had committed. The green beans I'd be forced to eat at dinner. Dread was, in hind sight, relatively simple. It didn't seem so at the time, but it was.

Then, High School. The pop quiz I hadn't prepared for. Math class, with a teacher so inept and cruel, he would call us up to the board to work out problems, and then call me an idiot, in front of the class, when I couldn't figure out what "X" was. That class was so dreadful, I once, on my way to it from gym class, bashed my right wrist into the stairwell over and over until it was bruised and swollen, then went to the nurse saying I had hurt it in gym class, just so the bandage would keep me from having to write on the board. Yeah, that was pretty fucking dreadful.

College arrived and dread, once again, took new meaning. Math reared its ugly head again, with two classes required with passing grades to graduate. The 30 seconds before stepping on stage for an audition. The 30 seconds before stepping on stage for a performance. Having to call my parents and ask for (more) money. The asshole ex who mind-fucked me for two years. Dread enough, but again, nothing I, in hindsight, could not handle. I'm a tough bitch, when I have to be. And mostly, I shoot myself in the foot.

There are other things, things I won't mention here. Hard things. But I got through the dread. Got through the hardest times, knowing things would eventually look up, be better, cease their dreadfulness.

At the time, each and every situation seemed like nothing could be worse. Nothing could be harder, nothing could be more horrifying or gut wrenching. I was wrong of course. Because one day I got the call. A call I had always dreaded, but hoped would never, ever come.

Sometimes you hear people say, "my blood ran cold." You read it in a book, or hear someone say it in a film, but unless it happens to you, it's somewhat indescribable.
You feel your heart stop. Time is suspended, and all at once, you feel your heart begin to pound. You can hardly hear that the accident has happened, that he has been taken, by helicopter to the hospital. You want your heart to stop again, so you can hear over the blood, rushing in your ears. You want it to stop so that this whole situation will stop. All at once, with the pounding in your ears comes the sweating, shaking palms. It's difficult to hold the phone, difficult to make sense of what is being said to you. You shiver, uncontrollably, because you are freezing, freezing cold, and because your mind is rejecting what you know to be true, and is struggling to process this information and also keep your vitals as they should be.

Your knees buckle, the friend who calls says it's bad, but he should pull through. You call the hospital and the Emergency Room nurse says it's very bad and you should get there as soon as possible, though they are two hours away. You think the dread cannot get worse, but then the hospital calls you, as a friend is driving you, because you are completely incapable of normal behavior, and gives you step by step directions to the hospital, with a security guard outside to meet you and take your car, so you can get there even sooner.

And then you get there, and you are put into a small room with lots of tissues around, which you know cannot be good, and a doctor comes in, and introduces himself. And you think, I don't care who the fuck you are, just tell me what is happening... and he tells you.

"His right leg has a compound fracture in the thigh. This is the most concerning injury, and he was given several pints of blood in the helicopter. The first surgery will be to repair and stabilize his leg."

I ask if his brain and spine are ok,but get no answer.

He continues...

"In addition to the compound fracture of the right leg, his right ankle is broken. His right hand has several compound fractures and he'll likely never regain full use of it again. His left foot is broken. His left knee is dislocated. His jaw is broken in several places, and he bit through his lip on impact, so you'll see a lot of blood around his face, and there will be facial scarring.

At this point, I lose my admittedly very lose grasp of control and scream

" I don't care if he looks like the fucking Phantom of the Opera! Are his brain and spine ok??!!!!"

He realizes this is an important point, and assures me that they are. I can breathe again.

He continues...

"You can only touch his left hand. They have him heavily sedated, and have inserted a breathing tube, so you have to prepare yourself when you see him."

"When can I see him?"

"We need you to sign this."

And I do.

And I see him. And my heart stops, all over again. I take the washcloth from the nurse, and bathe the blood from his face, from around his ears. I kiss his forehead, hold his left hand, and say over and over and over again that I am there, and that I love him and that he will be ok. He gently squeezes my hand.

Then they take him out and put me in another waiting area.

An hour later, they are back, and looking concerned. I need to come with them. I need to sign another form, because they can't find a pulse in his foot, and they need to put a camera into an artery or something. I see him in a room. It is freezing and he only has a sheet covering his waist. I say I'll sign it when they put some blankets on him. I don't want him to be cold. They do, and I sign. They tell me the bone has torn through muscle and he may not regain full use of his leg. I ask if they can take muscle from me. I am a universal donor... they pat me on the back and lead me back to the waiting room.

More happens, and some of it is very bad, but ultimately I can go and sit with him. I wait for him to wake up. I wait, and wait. He develops a fever, he has pneumonia, from the tube in his lungs. They come and put a port in his chest, because they've run out of places to administer medications. I keep a firm grasp on that left hand, and I pray to every God I can think of.

I go to the Chapel hourly and get on my knees and I beg. I beg for him, for his life, for our life. I talk to my grandparents, to his mother, his grandmothers... I make every promise I can think of, and then I go back and I hold his left hand. I sing to him, I talk to him, I write to him in a journal, so he'll know about what happened while he was sedated.

Dread grows. He hasn't woken up. I know something is wrong, but cannot convince the doctors.

Finally, they take him for scans, and I fall asleep for an hour, the first hour in more than 24.

An intern wakes me. Tells me he has had a stroke. Tells me his brain is swelling. Tells me it is only a matter of "time."

See? I thought I knew dread, but I didn't. Not really. Dread is watching someone you love, more than yourself. Someone you would gladly trade places with, cease to be. Dread is waiting for the moment when he needs machines for everything and they take him away to take his organs. Dread is waiting for the final brain death test to confirm that everything you needed is gone, all of your dreams are gone, who you are as a person, as a wife, is being taken from you. And there is nothing you can do. Nothing you can do. Nothing you can do.

That, my friends, is dread. I have little sympathy for people who say "oh, the WORST thing happened..." and then commence with some story about how their car broke down, their kid got sick with the flu and they had to cancel their vacation...

And now it's back. Because the woman who killed him, the 89 year old woman who saw him coming, but thought she could make it and broadsided him, her sentencing is coming. And I will speak for him. I will speak for us. And do you know what the going rate for negligent vehicular homicide is? $500 and the permanent loss of her license.
Fuck.

But I will stand up, and I will tell anyone who listens what was taken from me. What has changed me. How I am now different, and it's not a nice change. How I have nightmares, almost every night- but can they be called nightmares when you're really just remembering something that actually happened? I'm not sure.

I have to prepare. I have to prepare what I will say. I have to prepare myself to see this woman, who has never expressed remorse, who is quite wealthy, and will never suffer any financial pangs. Who killed someone, and because of consideration of her age, has hardly had to appear in court. Whose only real loss has been the loss of the brand new Volvo she plowed into Adam.

And I gotta tell you I am kind of dreading it.
But, I know, it could be worse.

Mosaic Bird Bath

2007-06-22T10:17:00.000-04:00

I'm working on my second large mosaic project- a birdbath for my garden.

I put a dime there for scale, and some day soon, I'll drag it outside to get some no-flash photos. It's pretty fucking heavy...

The leaves were very time consuming- especially the two smaller ones, which I made using tweezers to apply the teeny tiny bits of glass.

Ok, now I'm going to leave you with this little bit, from the film "Fuck"- it's fucking brilliant, but watch it at home, or with earphones!

Result!

2007-06-14T21:49:00.000-04:00

The Blanket of Doom pales in comparison to Sam, but he seems to like it! :)
Sam seems really happy with the blanket...

The Blanket of Doom pales in comparison to Sam, but he seems to like it! :)

Here he is in the hat I made him- Blue Sky Cotton

And here he is, at his Bris, wearing the yarmulke I knit him. Hard to see, but it's a lovely photo with his grandfather holding him and the Rabbi blessing him.

And here he is with Auntie Annie. 2 Nephews. How blessed am I?
Life is good.

(PS- he's totally going for my breast there, but they were found somewhat lacking!:) )

Hand Knit Yarmulke/Kippah and endless pinning...

2007-06-09T16:20:00.001-04:00

Pinning is underway- and laborious, to say the least! I'm using the star fabric- fingers crossed.

In the meantime, here's a teeny little baby kippah for the bris on Tuesday. I made it using Sarah Gilbert's Shining Star hat pattern, modifying it somewhat. Hopefully it'll work. I used Black Pearl cashmere yarn, and it took 4 or 5 attempts for me to get it more or less shaped the way I wanted it, but here it is- again, it's like night here, so apologies for the crappy photos!

It's the first yarmukle I've knit, and I'm going to do at least one more on the train, in case it doesn't fit, or what have you... hopefully it'll work- I'm happy with it!

I'm thinking I'll use some ribbon and attach it to the sides so we can keep it on little Sam's head, but we'll wing that, probably!

Safari Blanket of Doom...

2007-06-09T01:36:00.000-04:00

almost done.

It's blocking. Kind of. It's been a nightmare to get it into a complete square, and I don't know it's really possible. Because it was knit in the round? Maybe.
Also, there are loads of little issues having to do with my somewhat craptastic fair isle technique, which, it must be said, I've gotten a bit better at, having knit this blanket.

I wish there weren't so many imperfections, and once it's a bit drier I'll sort out the ends that worked their way out to the front and whatnot. But. Well. I don't know. I suppose it could be worse. I just see every little problem with it.

I chose two different backings- not sure which I'll use, and I'll show you those tomorrow. They're in the dryer now, to get any shrinkage out.

I don't know. I wish I had done it... better somehow. But still, it was a lot of work, and it could be worse.

Better photos soon. It's nearly 2 am...

All my friends are making babies...

2007-06-06T12:13:00.001-04:00

I made this-

(click for a larger photo)

A mosaic mirror. My first big project. I used abalone, stones(sodalite, rose quartz, turquoise), sea glass, stained glass, and other bits of glass. I'm happy with it, and feeling hooked on mosaic!

My next project is a birdbath, a rather large undertaking- I'll post some photos when I can. Hope you like it. It was made as a gift for boyfriend, who gave me the first round of classes as part of my 30th birthday gift. He rocks, and therefore, he gets a mirror.

Welcome to the world!

2007-06-05T22:48:00.000-04:00

Samuel Asher was born today, and weighed in at 7 pounds, 10 ounces, 21 inches long. He's my best friend's son and I'm a very proud auntie- this is the baby for whom I have attempted the safari blanket of doom.

The Asher in his name is for my late husband, Adam. I'll be seeing him in person next week for the bris and I cannot wait! I feel like my heart is bursting with all this wonderful new life.

Other very close friends of mine, the best man at my wedding and his gorgeous wife also just had a son- no photo yet, but his name is James Adam.

Adam loved babies, and he would be so, so excited for these precious little new lives. And he'd have taught them all sorts of naughty words, what makes a decent motor, and all sorts of other lovely boy things. I'll do my best in his stead. Well, with the swearing, anyhow.

Life goes on, and sometimes it is so, so, joyful, isn't it?

But the cat came back, the very next day...

2007-06-02T11:20:00.001-04:00

the cat came back- they thought he was a goner, but the cat came back, he just couldn't stay a-way!

Do you remember that song/cartoon? Anyhow. I have a cat visitor, and he's fucking up my bird mojo. As seen here-

and here-

I nearly had to get out the hose when he had a go at one of my baby chipmunks, but I walked toward him and he ran away. He won't let me pet him, didn't show any interest in a saucer of milk, but looks well enough fed.
He'd just better leave my birds alone, if he knows what's good for him. I mean that had better not be the reason why he looks so well fed. Know what I'm saying?

Sometimes he hangs out under the outdoor table, or under my car-

And that's cool. But he'd better leave my wildlife alone. Tame life shalt not fuck with the wildlife.

Right. Thanks for reading, and as a thank you, here's a photo of a rose bush I just recently planted. Click on the photo to make it bigger.

Itty Bitty Baby Things

2007-05-24T18:27:00.000-04:00

Not a great photo- but a pic of a baby hat and mitts I knit up as a break to the Safari Blanket of Doom. Safari Blanket is almost done- am at the edge now, and I'm at about 800 stitches per round, in K1P1, so it's a little... tedious.

Here's the hat and mitts. Knit in Blue Sky Cotton.

Now I'm on the hunt for a good pair of booties.

The mittens seem TINY. I mean, seriously, TINY. But I suppose they'll be the right size- we'll see!

Really big earrings!

2007-05-19T21:48:00.003-04:00

The earrings came. They're beautiful, and HUGE. A lot bigger than we thought they'd be. I took some bad photos with my laptop camera...check it out-

They really are gorgeous, and very well made. The peridot is a lovely shade, and the filigree and little diamonds are so, so pretty. But they are some seriously fuck-off big earrings. Not the everyday studs we thought they'd be. From the side and back they look amazing, head on, they're a little like Frankenstein's neck plugs. But I still love them. I just need more of an occasion to get all gussied up.

2007-05-18T17:12:00.000-04:00

Kim, over at A Knitted Frenzy sent me these questions. If you want 5 questions of your own, from me (but have to be prepared to answer them!), leave a comment...

1. If you could be an animal in the world, what would you be an why?
I think I'd be a whale. They're beautiful, gentle and intelligent. Things I strive to be.

2. What does your favorite food remind you of?(memories, feelings, etc.)

Hmmm... I'd say black licorice reminds me of my dad. He and I are the only ones in the family who like it, and it reminds me of him. My sister and I would each get a quarter for the penny candy store and I'd get a lot of black licorice- the other bonus was not many people liked it, so I didn't have to share!

3. Where would you escape to for a month if money, work, etc. were no object?
This one is really hard! There are SO many places I'd like to visit- I'd probably go someplace like Asia or Africa, and travel and stay in nice places (ie, running water), and see as much of the area as I could- it's so expensive to fly to these places!

4. Are you a city girl? Small town? Mountains? Why?
Not a city girl. I grew up on Cape Cod, so I'd always need to be near a sea, although I could easily live in the English countryside, or on an island in Maine... I like small towns, villages, etc.

5. If your house were on fire, what five things would you grab immediately (family members, animals are a given)?

1. Adam's ashes (does that count as a family member? Ha ha- I know, morbid sense of humor!)
2. Jewelry box- not full of valuables, but sentimental stuff, (Ad's wedding ring, grandmother's bracelet, etc...)
3. Stuffed raccoon- I've had it since I was a baby and still sleep with it!
4. Portable hard drive (has all my photos backed up on it)
5. Small filing cabinet (I should get a safe deposit box for this shit, but it has stuff that would be a serious pain in the ass to lose- birth, marriage and death certificates, mortgage and car deeds, etc...)

Sad= Knitting

2007-05-17T17:54:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a little sad and anxious, for some reasons I can control and others I cannot. I don't really need any yarn, my usual remedy, so... I bought some books today.

By "some" I mean four. But I DO have a lot of babies to knit for...

... and knitting is the best therapy one can hope for. AND, my dad always said a good book is NEVER a waste of money. So. Well done, me!

Rockin' Birthday Surprise and other news...

2007-05-15T13:44:00.000-04:00

I met Rupert's brother and sister in-law a little while ago- they live in Japan, and they're fantastic. I especially hit it off with Noriko, his sister in law, and I received this amazing birthday present, from Japan!

Noro yarn, magazines, and I think a chocolate bar (haven't opened it yet!)

You know you want a close up of that yarn!

7 Skeins of Cash Iroha and 4 of Hotaru...

I can't wait to find a pattern and knit something up with these!! I'm also looking for a special pattern to make something for Nori. She's fantastic, and so tiny and gorgeous- I'm keeping my eyes open for a special pattern.

In other knitting news, I finished the Entrelac blankie- finally! I just threw it into the washer and dryer as a litmus test, and I used delicate/low settings, but it was easy enough and I'm happy with how it looks!

The garden is looking good. I've had a load of birds lately, and have ordered even more feeders (Oriole and Finch), as I've seen Orioles and Goldfinches outside my window, along with my cardinal family. There is also a squirrel nest in a tree near the house and it's been great fun watching the babies march down, single file.

Here are a couple of photos of the crab apples- they were Ad's favorite, and the birds love them. The petals have all fallen off now, I took these last week.

I've also got some gorgeous cashmere yarn to make a baby hat, but it's dk weight, and I can't seem to find a DK weight pattern that I like!! Anyone have any thoughts?

30

2007-05-11T11:03:00.000-04:00

I turned 30 yesterday, and it was a pretty good day. Boyfriend really surprised me with these-

They're Edwardian repros, made of platinum and peridot with diamond accents. LOVE. THEM. And am very excited to have a second pair of earrings! I can only wear platinum in my ears, which sucks, because I love earrings! I was given a pair of diamond studs from Ad for my 25th, and I wear them all the time. I'm beyond excited to have a second pair to wear!

Not really sure how I feel about being 30. I'm sure as hell not where I thought I'd be right now. The fact that all my friends are pregnant is a somewhat painful reminder of this, though I am very happy for all of them. But, all things considered, I am determined to think of all I have, and not everything I've lost. I have amazing friends and family, and a lot of love in my life.

Rock on.

Safari Blanket of Doom Update

2007-05-08T18:03:00.000-04:00

It's going pretty well. It'll need a lot of blocking and I have to try and find a better way to photograph it- but here are some preliminary photos-

Overall photo-

Elephants-

Center and ostriches-

UK Trip!

2007-05-02T16:53:00.001-04:00

I just spent ten days visiting Adam's family in the UK, and it was wonderful. It's always a little bittersweet, but always more sweet than bitter, and it is always hard to leave. I was lucky enough, on this trip, to meet Nell. My sister (the Moose), sister in law and her family took a train ride to Birmingham and we met up for lunch and some shopping.
Nell is Gorgeous. Really, photos do not do her justice. She has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen, and is so kind and sweet and funny. She also has the same taste in clothes as I do, and it was killing me, since I recently gained weight in an attempt to quit smoking, and I kept seeing all these clothes that I was drooling over, but just wouldn't buy until I get back to more of a normal weight!

Nell, I told Lucy and Moose about the sniffing incident, which still makes me chuckle (see Nell's blog for that story), and I was sorry to have to leave after only a couple of hours. I hope we'll see each other again soon. I'm hoping to be back in the Fall, so I'll let you know when I have a date set, and I'll be sure to come visit Nham- maybe we can go riding? Well, you can ride, and I'll cling like a spider monkey to the saddle! I'm hoping my joints and all the other many things that are wrong with me will be more settled by then.

It was such a joy to meet her- here are a couple of photos.

And here are some photos from the rest of the trip...

Buster, Dad #2's Labrador, in the Cotswolds.

Detail of a post at the Malvern Train Station, from Victorian times...

And here's a mailbox from the station. V R, stands for Queen Victoria. Current Mailboxes have E R, for Elizabeth...

The Tower of London...

And this is outside the church where Anne Boleyn and Kitty Howard (Henry VIII's wives, both beheaded) were laid to rest, as well as more than a thousand other remains were found under the floor of this church, and most were from executions at the tower.

My favorite bird at the falconry center we visited...

And this is me, holding a hawk. He weighs next to nothing!

More photos later. Including progress on the safari blanket of doom! I have a lot of catching up to do here, and a lot to catch y'all up on.

The Coolest Thing I've EVER done...

2007-04-11T22:21:00.000-04:00

That's me. Snorkeling with Manatees. Click each image for a larger photo.

As it turns out, hanging out, floating with these lovely creatures is just fine on the joints. Think I could do it as a full time job?

Can you see the fingernails? That's me, floating behind.

Lunch time. They just shovel plants into their mouths. That's Nori's hand to the right.

That's me again, the one I'm stroking is a baby.

Please keep us on the endangered list!

Watch this...

2007-03-26T22:05:00.000-04:00

I loved it. Laughed my ass off. And, he makes some very good points!

I did it!

2007-03-23T16:23:00.000-04:00

Well, I did a couple of things. First, I finished the pinwheel blanket. I haven't blocked it yet, and I suspect it'll grow a bit when washed. It's meant to be a small blanket, good for the car seat or buggy, or stroller as the baby gets older.

(Click any of the photos to see a large version)

So, here's the blanket on the floor, all done-

Here's a close up of the stitches and edge. I ended up doing 3 rows of seed stitch, a yarn over row, two more seed rows, then bound off in seed stitch pattern.

I started a picot edge, but it looked a bit too bulky with the yarn, and because I was dreading the laborious process of a picot bind off, since it didn't look stellar, I just bound off in pattern...

Finally, here's a pic of it thrown onto the large leather chair I have... gives you an idea of the size.

Hey... did ya notice my orchids?? My friends Andy and Kelly (who are having one of the babies I am copiously knitting for- a boy!) gave this to me when we planted Adam's garden, back in September of '05, and it's blooming again!!

Speaking of Ad's garden, I had noticed some crocuses blooming by the back door, and was all excited for Spring. Then last week I got nearly another foot of snow!
But the snow has almost all melted now, and look! They're tough, aren't they?

And finally, during said snowstorm, my mailbox was knocked off the post. Today I finally managed to mount a new box on the post. I used Ad's drill, removed the damaged bracket and then put the new one on, but then the holes didn't line up for attaching the box, so I moved the bracket and drilled some new holes and then voila, it worked. I even had a couple guys in a truck yell, erm, endearments out the window. Apparently a woman with a power tool is a turn on to some people. Ha ha!!

Here's the mailbox. I also mounted that flag, but that was a while ago.

I know, it's not a huge deal, but I'm kind of proud of it.

So that's all for now!

Egding Choices...

2007-03-22T10:50:00.000-04:00

I'm nearing the end of the pinwheel blanket and I'm trying to decide how to edge it- there are so many possibilities! I'm thinking of a moss stitch border, or maybe a ruffle? Or how about a picot bind off?

Thoughts?? I got some inspiration here.
I'd love to hear your thoughts- I want to keep it simple!

Still Knitting...

2007-03-19T13:38:00.000-04:00

Mostly baby blankets!

First, here's a photo of progress on the entrelac blanket... It's getting there, and I wish I could just hunker down and finish it, already, but... it's getting there!

I also frogged the eyelet blanket and started a pinwheel blanket with it!

And then... well, then there's the SAFARI BLANKET OF DOOM! My best friend in the whole world came across the Knit Baby Blankets! book and fell in love with the safari blanket. She asked if I could make it for her, as my new niece or nephew will be arriving this summer... and I had a look, swallowed hard and said I'd give it a go.
Now, do any of you have this book??

This blanket is scary stuff. Here is a photo of it...

Here are some photos of the intarsia charts...

And that's all well and good. It SEEMS that the way it's done is you cast on the beginning and then using dpns you start each triangle on a dpn knitting the intarsia chart... mmmmmkay....

But then they toss in this handy diagram for how to put the blanket together, and seriously, what the fuck??

Ok. So I have all the yarn. I ordered Knitpicks Swish superwash to do it, and I think it'll be good. Plus, I read some reviews about the yarn called for in the pattern, Briggs &Little Regal, and it seems that it's nice, but very rough, and so really not suitable for a baby blanket.

So. Do any of you have the book?? I've searched the internet and can't find anyone who has made this thing. Hold me. I'll be getting started on it soon. Oi.

I also got some fantastic packages!!

Pam sent me some baby hat's for my dad's charity- we just had another snow storm and burst of cold weather, so these are just wonderful!!

And then, a little while ago, I posted on Knitty that I was looking for scraps of silk garden. I am doing a Lady Eleanor, and having failed to lock on to one color way of silk garden that I liked, I decided to use a bunch of them. And I thought about all the quarter skiens of the stuff I've put into the bin, and how I now wished I'd saved them, and petitioned people to pass on any scraps of silk garden they might have lying around...

Yarnit sent me a great package, with an abandoned Egdar, some candy, tea and a lovely card- (I drank the tea this week, when I was sick!)

And Abesmama sent me some fantastic little bits, and also some Transitions to try out- which is very exciting!

So, thank you to Sheryl and Regina! I'll keep you all posted with the project, and if you have any scraps or unused skeins of silk garden, send them my way, or let me know if you're interested in a swap- I have stuff.

That's it for now!!

Sick.

2007-03-15T19:33:00.000-04:00

Ugh. I have some sort of nasty cough/sore throat/headache thing happening. Got some antibiotics today, but I'm a mess. So that's why I haven't been on much the past couple of days. Back when my head clears... Hope you're all healthier than I am!

Neckline woes

2007-03-09T10:25:00.000-05:00

Ok. I finished the Top Secret Sweater. And I did it all correctly, for the most part, but I don't like the way the turtleneck looks on me. And this may be, in part, psychological. When I was on the steroids I got very swollen, and my face was enormous (known as moon-face), and my neck literally disappeared. So I wore a lot of turtlenecks. Well, two, actually, it was hard finding things to fit me, as I was an XXL.
Yeah.

So anyhow, I tried taking a pic or two, using my macbook, so I could show the boyfriend, and here is one of them...

I just... don't like it. And also when folded over, it shows reverse st. st., which is fine, but seems weird. And I thought maybe I fucked up someplace and was supposed to be knitting in reverse st. st., but that doesn't seem to be the case. But really, that isn't the issue. I just don't like the way I look in the turtleneck.

So I frogged it back to the point where I was to increase one side of the yoke by two rows, and just bound it off there, but the thick/thin, nubbly nature of the yarn isn't really working with this- it isn't rolling down enough, and it just looks sloppy. Should I try picking up stitches and knitting a few rows along the bound off edge of the neck and binding off again? Would that create the stockinette roll?
I'm just not sure what to do.

Arrrrugh.

Any suggestions? Because I'm about ready to just frog the whole thing and make a cardigan instead with the yarn. Ugh.

The Weird, The Sad (and kinda gross), and the Triumphant

2007-03-06T20:22:00.000-05:00

The Weird
Today was my trash day. I live in a fairly affluent town (small house in a nice area), and we do not have trash pick up (or sewers- all septic here), and I'm pretty sure my exorbitant tax dollars (for my fellow Massholes, I live in one of the "W" towns in Metro West) go to the fab school system and the new Dodge Chargers the town police seem to be rockin' around town in. I pay for Waste Management to come and collect my recycling and trash, and today was bottles and cans week. I noticed a woman outside, all bundled up, going through my recycling bin. It was cold today. Really fucking cold. About 5 degrees, and windy as hell. So there's this older woman, and she's rifling though the recycling looking for things she can get a 5 cent deposit refund on. And I am looking out the window and pulling on my boots, because I want to run out and tell this poor woman, who has walked from God knows where, in this freezing weather, that I have more cans in a bag in the garage and she's welcome to them. But before I have a chance, she takes three empty ginger ale bottles and walks across the street, and hops into the drivers seat of a brand new Lexus SUV!! Seriously!! And drives away.
Laughed my ass off, and thought to myself, maybe if I returned all those bottles and cans myself, I, too, could afford a Lexus. But seriously. Weird, right??

The Sad (and kinda gross)

Boyfriend gave me a juicer for Valentine's Day. A really nice, fancy one. So I've been juicing, and there is all this pulp and seeds and stuff that comes out, and goes into the trash. The other night, just before bed, I had to change bin bags, and it was late, and I was tired, so I put the trash bag in the little mudroom by the back door (which also acts as my storage, pantry, laundry room, coat room, and medicine chest- seriously, my house is TINY), and I go to bed. Yesterday I notice that there is a really unpleasant smell in the mudroom, and I assume it's probably rotting fruit bits, and figured the smell would dissipate. But it didn't, and so I thought maybe there was a teeny, tiny leak in the bag and maybe some nasty fruit slime had seeped out and soiled my tile. Not that my tile is very clean, but it isn't smelly. So I got some clorox wipes out and cleaned the tile where the bag was sitting, but that didn't help. And then I remembered... my little friend. Do you remember that story? Well, I'm afraid he may have passed away in the vents. Yeah. Gross. And sad.

But mainly gross. It really smells in here. It's not a nice smell, and it reminiscent of... I don't know... decomposing chipmunk?

The Triumphant
I joined the sleeves to the body of my Top Secret sweater- so far, so good. Kind of fucked up the decrease round, and realized I had somehow mis calculated and needed to still do a couple decreases when I finished the round, but I just slipped them into the next row, because I couldn't face unknitting 160 odd stitches and starting over. But I think that'll be ok. Or, you know, not.

I do not, in any way, feel secure that this thing will fit properly, and not be misshapen in some way, but we'll see. It's my first sweater, so I'm not expecting perfection, but if I could actually wear it, that would be very cool.

3 miles of Stockinette Stitch...

2007-03-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

I'm knitting my first sweater. It's "Top Secret" from knitty. I'm using Rowan's Yorkshire Tweed Chunky in Flame. So far, so good. I think. Probably, when I'm done it'll be a complete mess, but so far I've got the body knit, one sleeve, and a quarter of the second sleeve. Joining the sleeves should be... interesting.
It's really hard to photograph this yarn, but here's one photo. It's quite thick and nubbly and is a deep merlot red with tweedy chunks of gray, bright red and the occasional fleck of orange...

Fingers crossed.

And in other knitting thoughts, I love Stitch Diva Studios- I love them. Usually, but what were they thinking with this?

Can this new design, "Goddess" look good on anyone? Because it's looking all sorts of wrong to me. I don't know if they put a too-big sample on this model, or if it's just a bad design... and why no photos of the back? I'm assuming it is backless...

I love this style, because I've nothing of a chest to speak of myself, but I really don't know about this particular design. Thoughts?

And so life goes on... Part 1,356

2007-02-28T18:48:00.000-05:00

I've had my engagement ring re-sized. A couple of weeks ago, I was searching for some legal document and came across the guest book from Adam's funeral. I looked through and was just completely overcome by all the signatures. God. There were a lot of people there. There were a lot of people who loved him. I loved him. Love him. Always will. Don't suspect that will ever change, and wouldn't want it to. I didn't expect to find this book, and it hit me like a punch in the chest. No one ever prepares you for how physically painful it is to grieve for someone you love, so very much.

So, I had a complete meltdown, and the next day I walked into the jewelry store, all set to have my ring re-sized. I've still worn my rings on my left hand. Boyfriend and I joke about it sometimes, because he doesn't have a ring, and so we wonder if people think he's having a scandalous affair with a married woman, and this makes me laugh. I have a sick sense of humor. That could be a post on it's own someday, and might well be, if y'all are interested in hearing about the way I torment relative strangers on an occasional basis.

Ok, I walk into the jewelry store, determined not to cry about this. It's time. I need to move this ring (engagement, wedding band being saved for diamonds I am going to have made from Ad's ashes) to my right hand. As any sane woman would, I begin by heading to one of my favorite parts of the store- the case holding tsavorite gemstones. I love Tsavorite. If you're not familiar, it's a green garnet. For more info on them, click here.

I try on a couple of gorgeous rings, briefly consider an antique looking square cut Tsav and diamond ring, but then realize I do, in fact, have to eat... and so I thank the nice lady, all full of that happy glow one gets from wearing, if only briefly, beauteous gems, and head to the service counter.

The woman who helps me is also named Anne, and asks me how she can help. I tell her I need my ring re-sized, and slowly remove it from my left hand. She remarks that it seems to fit perfectly, and I explain that I am moving it to my right hand, which is larger. Then, because I feel it's important to explain why I am doing this, that this is the only reason for me to ever do this, I explain that I was widowed and it is time to move the ring to my other hand. She proceeds to burst into tears. Oh God. Then she remarks to the woman working on something behind her that my husband had died, and how young I am... and this other woman, whose name I did not catch, also begins crying. I, miraculously, am not crying yet. But then they ask what happened- "was he in the service?" - which I get a lot... and I explained he was in an accident. And then the older woman, said, "Oh, I hope it was quick for him, then" and I had to say, no, it was not quick, and that got ME crying. So now the three of us a crying like idiots and there is a fairly impressive sized line forming behind me. But screw them, they're not here because some old lady killed their husbands. Ok, well they could be, but I doubt it.

I then explain what I want on the band... AJB, which was both of our initials, our wedding date 07-05-04 and then an infinity symbol. She didn't know what one was, and the explanation of "a sideways 8" didn't seem to cut it, so I drew it for her.

They sent it off, to be rezied to a 5 to fit my right hand (I've got small fingers), and that was that.

I picked it up last week, and it still feels strange having a naked left hand.

Here's the ring, and I'm impressed with the macro settings catching my fingerprint ridge details here...

When we went ring shopping, I tried this ring on, jokingly saying I'd wear it forever, and it seemed a perfectly reasonable amount to spend... It turned out that Ad got a very impressive bonus at work, and so he really shocked me when on Christmas morning, in front of my whole family (they knew, he asked for their blessing the night before), I opened this ring. And managed a "yes" once I stopped crying!

Here is a photo of the engraving. It's a little hard to see, but it was hard to photograph. I think they did a nice job with the infinity symbol.

So now I have it on my right hand. I love this ring. Love, love, love it. I love it for itself, for its beauty and scintillation, and the way the three diamonds are a Bostonian (De Beers marketed it as "Past Present Future")setting and we met in Boston, and how the three diamonds perfectly line up with the width of my finger... and how every time I look at it I remember the first time I put it on, and what it meant, and what it will always mean to me.

Jokingly I said I'd wear it forever, and it was worth every penny. But it was the truth. I will wear it forever, and to me, it's priceless.

My Ass, Handed to me by a Sitcom...

2007-02-26T19:25:00.000-05:00

Yeah. So, Grey's Anatomy kicked my fucking ass this past week. I love this show. I really do. And I've remained loyal, even though some people have suggested that this is insane, not because the show doesn't rock, because it clearly does, but because of the topics.

SPOILERS

** If you don't watch YET, or you haven't seen last week's episode, then just stop reading, ok?? **

Ok, so here's the thing. Denny dies, and that night I get 4 or so phone calls of people calling saying are you ok??! and yeah, I was ok. I mean, it was sad, I was sad for Izzy, it was sad and horrid, but I didn't find it particularly hard to cope with. I mean, Ad didn't die that way. Denny went out really pretty quickly, and apart from the obviously craptastic situation of being stuck in a hospital bed waiting for a heart, he was compis mentis and had the woman he loved keeping him company and then BAM- he's dead. Ok, so yeah, it's sad. Really, sad. I get that, but there are worse things. Trust me, I know. Harder for me was her not wanting to get out of his bed. THAT I get. Losing my husband gave me a new empathy for people who keep loved ones on life support. Don't get me wrong, when there is no hope, then I do think the right thing to do is to let that person go, and that is what I did. But sitting with my husband, waiting for him to die so they could harvest his organs... that was rough. That was beyond rough. It really, really fucking sucked. So the whole Izzy not wanting to get out of the bed thing, yeah, that was hard to watch. I felt for her there. But then, she isn't real, and he isn't really dead.

Then came the Izzy on the floor scenes, which also earned me some phone calls, and then HEY! George's dad has cancer, and wouldn't you know it, so does mine!!

Yeah, that sucked, too. Cried my eyes out when George's dad dies. That was awful. Fortunately, my dad seems to be doing ok and will continue to do so.

And so, now we get to stupid fucking Meredith. I mean, seriously, I was half hoping she'd just die, already. Seriously. But then what would they call the show? She's just sort of, there. And I don't find her that empathetic. I know a lot of people who have had it a whole hell of a lot worse, and they may be as slutty (not that slutty is bad, I embrace slutty, in the right context), but they're not all "woe is me"... Hell, I'm not very "woe is me" (though I have my moments, and yeah, technically I'm totally depressed, but what are you going to do, right?), and I have every right to be all woe and doom, because let's face it, I'm the unluckiest bitch you will ever know. Seriously.

So. When stupid, useless fucking Meredith falls into the water and gives up, and not just because she's lazy, which might be totally justifiable, but because she wants to die, well, die then. But then she does "die" and hey, Denny is there, and the scene ends. And I cry for an hour or so, because I think- yes. This is what happens when we die.

I'm not crying because I care what happens to Meredith, or because Denny is dead, but because the scene is a reminder of one of the deepest hopes that I have ever held; that when I die, Ad will be there to greet me, and I'll say "I told you there was an afterlife" and he'll admit I was right and we'll hang out with all the people we know and love who are also dead, and won't it be grand?

But then the people at Grey's had to go and fuck that one, because in the third part, they all wax poetic about how it sucks to be dead and you don't see your loved ones, and maybe, if you're lucky, it's just kind of like you hear their voices. WHAT??
ARRRRUGH!!

Cried. My. Fucking. Eyes. Out.

For about three hours. That kind of choking, sobbing, might vom, sort of wracking, sobbing crying... do you know the kind? I'm pretty intimately familiar with that particular sort of crying, and let me tell you, it is no kind of good time.

So damn you, Grey's Anatomy. I mean, seriously- she's dead for what, 3 hours, and not so much as a stutter? I dated a guy in college who was hit by lightning and that poor bastard stuttered for about 6 months. Seriously.

They had better turn it out in the next episode to make this shit fest up to me.

I will, however, concede that Christina's dollar store expedition was fabulous, and Bailey rocks, full stop. But seriously- if anyone over at ABC is reading this, get it together!! Call me if you need story lines- if you want tragic crap, I got it. But no more of this dying but not dying, because, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

I also quite honestly thought, in the week following Adam's death that a witch, or a fairy, or an angel or some other creature would come and say we could change it, go back in time, bring him back, etc... and guess what. That didn't happen either. I really thought it might. Seriously. Something to do with shock and all the drugs they had me on to keep me from swallowing Draino or something... but the sad fact is that when people die, they die. And I know, there are things that happen, but if you're going to give us some miracle saga, then for the love of all things dramatic, at least make it something that makes us glad we watched.

Rant over.

Baby Blanket Woes...

2007-02-22T10:49:00.000-05:00

So I've been knitting baby blankets like a fiend lately. And I'm not very happy with them. I am posting some pics here and I'm hoping you'll be honest with me. Even if you agree they look somewhat crappy, tell me. I don't care if you think they are the worst blankets you've ever seen- just tell me. Really, really- I just want to know.

So, blanket number one is an entrelac blanket I've been working on. The problem isn't the pattern, really... it's more the yarn. I do like this yarn, but it will snag on anything- even just a bit of rough skin, which is tough to manage in the winter. Also, I feel like the edges are not looking as neat as I'd like- the colors are showing through a bit too much- again, probably a symptom of stretchy ribbon like yarn. So. Here is the first photo- you can see what I mean- the edges look a little tired, and the alternate color peeks through more than I'd like it to.

See what I mean? It's bad, right? Be HONEST. Really. Because I'm getting ready to frog, frog, frog.

Here's another pic of the blanket, covering more area...

The second blanket is a Blue Sky Cotton blanket- the pattern is from Blue Sky.
I knit it using the Organic natural, and had planned to use the "sky" colorway for the ruffle. Couple of problems with this one, and I think it is, in part, the pattern. It calls for size 11 needles, which is fine, the loose gauge gives it a nice drape, but I think the eyelets on a size 11 needle are too big, and I'm not wild about just how loose the stitches are.

Here's a photo of the blanket, overall...

And here's the eyelet, with my finger up to it, showing how large the holes are. I'm actually a little worried that the baby might snarl his fingers in these holes- they really are big!

See what I mean? Arrrrugh. Also, I posted on the knitty board that the ruffle for this blanket is a nightmare- yarn overs every where, and they are just TOO big. I don't know what size needle they used in the photo for the pattern, but I'd bet it wasn't an 11! It just looks sloppy to me.

So, honest thoughts, please. I love the Blue Sky yarn, I'm just not so sure about the pattern.
Should I re-knit it with smaller needles?
Should I re-knit it using another pattern? Can you suggest another pattern? I think I have 5 skeins of cream and 3 of blue.

THANK you.

Yep, a boyfriend...

2007-02-14T16:51:00.000-05:00

So. Here's the thing. When Adam was killed I never thought I'd really be interested in anyone again. I thought I'd be this eccentric old woman who would make eyes at the pool boy and whatnot. And I was ok with that. When friends would gently prod me about dating I would tell them that if there was anyone else out there for me, then Adam would find that person and send him my way. I didn't really expect for that to happen.

But then after Adam died, one of his best friends and I got to be closer. In a totally platonic way, but closer. And time passed and eventually, well, it wasn't totally platonic anymore. I wasn't expecting it, and neither was he. Kind of came to a shock to us. No one else seemed surprised, just us.

He loved my husband and Adam loved him, and I can completely see why he did. This is a pretty amazing guy. I mean, a really, really, amazing guy. He'd have to be, in order to deal with my monstrous load of baggage. And he is.

Sometimes when we least expect it, even sometimes when we maybe aren't totally ready for it, love, in all its wondrous and infinite manifestations will find us. It's never the same twice, which is pretty amazing in itself.

So yep. I have a boyfriend. And yep, he's wonderful. And yep, I do think maybe, just maybe, my Adam had a hand in this. Because he loved both of us, and I think he'd approve. And I'm glad to have him today, as all days, because hey, he makes my life a happier place to be, just because he exists.

V-Day Considerations

2007-02-13T11:25:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd just mention something, in light of the looming Hallmark Holiday, which falls tomorrow, sending many couples into a frenzy of overpriced roses, ridiculously long waits at restaurants, and the horror of women searching for just the right garment at Vickie's- the one that hides, pushes up, pulls in, flatters and conceals.

The first Valentine's day I spent with my late husband was very memorable. We'd only been together about two months, and he gave me a frog sculpture I'd been admiring at a local gallery, a VT teddybear with a really sweet card, and plane tickets for 10 days in the UK to meet his family and spend a long weekend in London. Very well done. He also cooked me dinner, and greeted me wearing a suit (I didn't realize then what a really big deal that was). I wore a sequined t-shirt with a union jack on it, and painted union jacks on my thumb nails, which he thought was hilarious. He took his favorite photo of me on that day.

And then we settled into the relationship, and said that hey, it was just a hallmark holiday, so let's not spend the money. We'd order some chinese take out and relax at home watching tv or a movie, and we'd just exchange nice cards.

The year before he died, I had been very, very sick with Crohn's, and the steroids had me at a grotesque size 20 -- not that a size 20 is grotesque in any way, but that weight when caused by steroids, is. We had once again agreed-- just cards. And I bought him a card. But because I'd been having such a hard time, he came home and with him he had a box of truffles, and two knitting books. Stitch n' Bitch, and Stitch n' Bitch Nation. I was floored. They were my first knitting books ever. I was a real novice, and hadn't really started looking into the possibility of books. He went to Barnes and Noble and poked around the knitting section, looking through all the books they had and settled on these two because he thought I'd like the stuff in them (and probably in part, because they said "bitch"). It was such a very, very sweet thing to have done, and I cherish those books as being my first and being from him.

It was also our last Valentines day. He was killed that following summer. And now, looking back, I wish we had done more for Valentine's day. Because yeah, it is a hallmark holiday, and it is a serious pain in the ass to try and get it together and find the right gift, make the right plans and so on. But the fact of the matter is, we just don't know how long the person we love will be with us. Things happen, life happens, and so why not take advantage of a day where you just make a big fucking deal about the fact that there is someone in the world who makes your life better, just because they exist.

You don't have to spend a lot of money. Hell, you don't have to spend any money. But acknowledge it. Make it special somehow. Because even if you say "I love you" every day, ten times a day, in the end, it never hurts to say it again, you know?

Nell Doesn't Just Knit...

2007-02-08T11:50:00.000-05:00

She rocks! This is a very overdue post. She sent these hats for my dad's agency and they've been distributed to children in need. The social workers were thrilled with them, and my dad was really impressed. Thank you again, Nell, for doing this.

This post is really, really overdue- I finally got my new laptop and then it's taken me a long time to sort out how to best post photos and whatnot.

Here's a detail of the gorgeous beret she made- I like this photo. Thanks again, Nell- I really appreciate you doing this!! If you haven't seen her blog, go check it out- http://nellnellknits.blogspot.com/

Some Winter Haikus to torture you with...

2007-01-17T18:42:00.000-05:00

Ha! Here are some Haikus I wrote about 4 years ago...

Here are some Haiku's in honour of winter...

Winter Chain Reaction

The car I follow
Cleans windshield, wipers washing.
Now I must clean, too.

Ode to De-icer

Melts ice off windshield
Quickly! Artificially!
Should I wash my hand?

Winter Static

I take off my coat
I reach for the door handle
Fuck me, shocked again!

Ode to 16 degrees (not including wind chill)

I can’t feel my face
Are you sure I still have one?
Fine, I believe you.

Cryptic Degrees (Ode to Wind Chill)

If it feels like two,
Why say its nineteen but it
Feels like two? It’s two!

Driving

You’re really too close
To the car in front of you.
Black ice, and you’re fucked.

Overeager Snowplow

Such a waste of time
Plowing the road tonight- but-
the sparks are pretty.

Morning Mistake

I should not have tried
To clean my windshield just yet
Spiderweb of ice.

Chapped

Today, I smiled,
happy about something, and
my lip split in two.

Christmas Beach Visit Photos

2007-01-12T12:32:00.000-05:00

This is the town on the Cape where I grew up. The moon was out in the day, as my nephew pointed out, it must have been confused...

At the end of the boardwalk, across the marsh, was a Christmas tree, with real and man made shell ornaments on it...

Christmas FO's

2007-01-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

Scarf Knit with Rowan Chunky

Detail of scarf, playing with Macro features of my new camera- Canon SD600

My "Hand Knit by Annie" label- I hate that fucking sheep. I really wish I could find labels with a more simplistic, less simpering looking sheep on them!

Hat made to match the scarf, using leftover wool.

Argosy from Knitty, knit using peace fleece yarn- this is one of a couple of hat/scarf sets I've knit/been working on for my best friend.

Argosy with a hat- there wasn't really a way to make a truly matching hat, so I used a cable/lace pattern to pick up on the lace squares in Argosy...

Dishcloth from Mason Dixon knitting, in navy and white-

I'm Still Alive...

2007-01-09T09:35:00.000-05:00

but suffering from a nasty sinus infection. I had a wonderful visit with my in-laws. I can't believe what a cool little kid my nephew is (more on that later). My family were here through the new year and just after they left I came down with the sinus infection from hell. All the immuno-suppresants I'm on don't really help, either!!

I STILL don't have my (6 month old) Vaio laptop back. Best Buy got it back from Sony, with a BIOS password on it. My computer never had a BIOS password, and so the thing was useless, and had to be sent back to Sony again for another "new" motherboard. My opinion of Sony has fallen quite a bit. I also had to send back the 5 month old DVD recorder/player I had bought, so now I am sans laptop and sans DVD player. They've had my laptop since before Thanksgiving! And I got a Canon SD600 and an ipod for Christmas, so I really, REALLY want my damn laptop!

I haven't been on-line very much, since my eyes hurt so much from the sinus horror, but I'll be back on soon to catch up with everyone's blogs and fill you in on my holiday and post some FO pics. Hope you're all well!!

Holiday Q&A

2006-12-13T13:28:00.000-05:00

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Definitely hot chocolate!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wrap. Until there are kiddies again, then they'll be under the tree, unwrapped. When I was a kid they were unwrapped.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White!

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No. I wish I was the sort of person who could get my shit together and be all Martha Stewarty with the holiday decor, but alas, I am not. I barely manage a wreath and some window candles...

5. When do you put your decorations up? When I remember, get around to it. Usually before Christmas. ;)

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Every Christmas my dad gets an enormous Tenderloin of beef, throws it on the grill for a minute or two, then splits it open and stuffs it with blue cheese and butter, then ties it up and broils it. It's heaven.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Santa coming. My parents waited a really long time for my sister and I, and they wanted ten kids, so for Christmas, they went all sorts of crazy. Pretty much everything we asked for, we got. We'd wake up early and the rule was we had to wake mom and dad up first, and they'd check to make sure Santa had come. Dad would go down and every so often he'd pretend to catch Santa in the act and do two voices, or Mom would do Santa's voice... and sometimes dad would shake these bells and pretend it was the reindeer leaving... and my sister and I would go down and there would be a path to the tree and on one side my stuff and my sister's on the other. It was true insanity. And so, so cool. Once we didn't believe in Santa, that stopped! We still got good stuff, but not the total madness from back when they couldn't say "santa can't really afford that this year..."

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I was playing hide and seek with my sister and went to hide inside a really big suitcase, full of gifts. I was devastated.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Oh yeah. It's a big debate every year, but we generally do.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? My parents have a ton of ornaments, from when they were kids (they've known each other since they were four) and then they bought my sister and I an ornament each year from when we were born until we were ten or so, so it's a lot of antique ornaments and white lights.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Both. It's a love/hate relationship. Love watching it fall. Love skiing on it. Hate shoveling or trying to walk in it!

12. Can you ice skate? Mmmm... not so much.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My late husband gave me my engagement ring on Christmas morning, in front of my family.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being with family!

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Tough one... those little Albanian powdered sugar cookies, or apple crisp.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Opening gifts. We go around and take turns opening them- it takes about 3 hours with coffee breaks!

17. What tops your tree? Angel
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Giving, definately!!

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? to sing would either be Carol of the Bells or O Holy Night.

20. Candy Canes...Maybe one a season!