V-Day Considerations

I thought I'd just mention something, in light of the looming Hallmark Holiday, which falls tomorrow, sending many couples into a frenzy of overpriced roses, ridiculously long waits at restaurants, and the horror of women searching for just the right garment at Vickie's- the one that hides, pushes up, pulls in, flatters and conceals.

The first Valentine's day I spent with my late husband was very memorable. We'd only been together about two months, and he gave me a frog sculpture I'd been admiring at a local gallery, a VT teddybear with a really sweet card, and plane tickets for 10 days in the UK to meet his family and spend a long weekend in London. Very well done. He also cooked me dinner, and greeted me wearing a suit (I didn't realize then what a really big deal that was). I wore a sequined t-shirt with a union jack on it, and painted union jacks on my thumb nails, which he thought was hilarious. He took his favorite photo of me on that day.





And then we settled into the relationship, and said that hey, it was just a hallmark holiday, so let's not spend the money. We'd order some chinese take out and relax at home watching tv or a movie, and we'd just exchange nice cards.

The year before he died, I had been very, very sick with Crohn's, and the steroids had me at a grotesque size 20 -- not that a size 20 is grotesque in any way, but that weight when caused by steroids, is. We had once again agreed-- just cards. And I bought him a card. But because I'd been having such a hard time, he came home and with him he had a box of truffles, and two knitting books. Stitch n' Bitch, and Stitch n' Bitch Nation. I was floored. They were my first knitting books ever. I was a real novice, and hadn't really started looking into the possibility of books. He went to Barnes and Noble and poked around the knitting section, looking through all the books they had and settled on these two because he thought I'd like the stuff in them (and probably in part, because they said "bitch"). It was such a very, very sweet thing to have done, and I cherish those books as being my first and being from him.

It was also our last Valentines day. He was killed that following summer. And now, looking back, I wish we had done more for Valentine's day. Because yeah, it is a hallmark holiday, and it is a serious pain in the ass to try and get it together and find the right gift, make the right plans and so on. But the fact of the matter is, we just don't know how long the person we love will be with us. Things happen, life happens, and so why not take advantage of a day where you just make a big fucking deal about the fact that there is someone in the world who makes your life better, just because they exist.

You don't have to spend a lot of money. Hell, you don't have to spend any money. But acknowledge it. Make it special somehow. Because even if you say "I love you" every day, ten times a day, in the end, it never hurts to say it again, you know?