Despite all these things, I always remind myself how much I have. How much I am so very thankful for.
I am thankful for the love I had, for the man who made me see myself through different eyes, who gave me strength and taught me what it feels like to be cherished.
I am thankful for my family. Like any family, we're not perfect, but there is tremendous love and strength which I take from my families. They always have my back, as I have theirs, and I'm very thankful that these people are in my life. Being adopted makes me even more aware of how blessed I am that these people have come into my life. Also, being adopted makes me more aware than others what family really means. It's not really the people you share blood with, and I have a sister at home, one in the UK and a third in PA, and I'm so grateful for them. For my parents, my in-laws.
I am thankful for my friends, who seem to love me, even though I'm scary and damaged. One of them recently said to me, 'it doesn't matter how damaged you think you are, because you're more beautiful on the inside than you are on the outside, and you are funny as hell.' Which made me think, yes, that's true. My inside is quite nice. I'm a good person, and I'm glad they think I am funny. Helps when I'm so depressed I don't like the leave the house, and I ignore the ringing phone and am crap at remembering to return e-mails. I am very thankful to have this bunch of people. I love each of them, in different ways, for different strengths and joys they bring to me, and it was a nice reminder, in a low time, that they think I bring them good things as well.
It is because of them that I am not in a padded cell. Not that that still isn't an option, mind you.
So, I don't have my health, I'm not the prettiest girl in the room, or the smartest, or the funniest, or the most athletic. But I'm ok. It could be worse. I'm not really doing so bad, you know? I have my friends, I have my family. I have a roof over my head and more yarn and glass than I know what to do with just now. Things are actually pretty ok. And I am thankful for that.