Crawling Toward Normalcy

Thank you all for your nice comments on the mosaic pieces. I am planning on doing up some small mirrors and possibly some frogs/mirrors for sale. We'll see how that goes.

I've been on the antidepressants for about a week now, and so far, so good. The main side effect has been exhaustion. I started on half a pill for the first week, and each time I'd take one, it was like I'd taken a sleeping pill. Then that started to get a little bit better, and then it was time to up the dose to a full pill, so I've started all over again with feeling exhausted again. Drugged exhausted, which is different from auto-immune-exhausted, and also different from depression-exhausted. But it's no big deal, I just crawl into bed with a book and sleep. It's crazy tired, though, I mean, even knitting is too much effort, so you know that's seriously tired. But I expect it will get better in time. I can't say I feel less depressed yet, but I know that will take some time, as well. And I am ok with that.


The only other noticeable side effect, which I knew would be an issue is the way alcohol effects me. Now, I'm not much of a drinker. I've always been a cheap date (in every sense, since I am allergic to fish/shellfish and with the Crohn's, can't tolerate filet mignon any longer!) but now it's ridiculous. When the Moose and I watched Snakes on a Plane, I had one and a half glasses of wine, and was totally off my head. Which was a good thing, let me tell you. That movie was crap. But I was drunk enough to get all excited for the infamous..."That's it! I've had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!" line. WOOO! Yeah, Moose laughed her ass off at me, on her third bottle of hard cider, and not in the least tipsy. What are you going to do?

The only other time I was this effected was when I was on the steroids, the last Christmas with Adam, and we were at my parents house for the holiday. I had bleeding ulcers in my stomach, from the Prednisone, and decided to have -literally- two sips of wine with dinner. Upon which I started laughing hysterically, and fell off my chair. Yeah. Alcohol straight into the bloodstream is an interesting experience. We all had a good laugh at that one.


I mean, don't get me wrong, I've danced on tables in Savannah on St. Patrick's Day,


That's me on the far right. I don't know who the guys are. That's when I dyed my hair black, which I quite liked, but my father called me "Elvira" until it grew out.

There are more incriminating photos, but I'll spare you. I will, however, share with you this photo of the ladies room at the Ritz in London. I sneakily took this to show my mom when I went for tea once. Swanky, no?





And so, my friends, the point of that last photo is, that crawl though I may, I'll never really reach "normalcy" and I'm totally ok with that. I'll always be the kind of gal who takes photos of swanky bathrooms, because, well, why not?

In other good news thoughts, I didn't cry at all today, or yesterday. So, progress!

In other crappy news, a song I put on a Valentine's Day mix for R is now playing over and over and over again on a commercial, which is kind of a bummer. But you know, some things you just can't escape from. Even with medication.

Done, Done, Nearly Done...

Moose has gone home, and we had a wonderful time. We never get to spend enough girl time together.

So I have several very nearly done things. to share with you.

First, I had a quick crochet lesson at a LYS the other day, and here are the crocheted ends of my Lady E. It's not single crochet... I'm not really sure what kind it was, but the result looks ok, I think.





Now I just need to figure out the crazy-ass fringe of a million knots. I don't expect that will go too well, but fingers crossed.


Secondly, I finished another Pinwheel Blanket.




Pattern- Pinwheel Blanket

Yarn- Araucania Patagonia Nature Cotton, Color 201, 3+ skeins

Needles- Denise Interchangeable, Size 9.

This just needs some ends woven in, and blocking.



Then we have Jemima. I bought a couple options for the placket. Here they are, on the grey sweater. As much as I LOVE that green, I'm thinking white will be the way to go. Thoughts?




Then onto Mosaics...

Lucy's mirror is done, just needs grouting.




And while Moose was here, she gave it a go, making Ben's name in red, yellow and blue, while I did this... which also needs grouting.




And, finally,Holly sent me some gorgeous sock yarn!

First, some knitpicks, to get myself going.



And then, some Fearless Fibers, in a really stunning green. I can't wait to try this yarn!










Thank you again, Holly. It's always nice to get something in the mail that doesn't include an invoice!


So that's all for now. Plugging away at Jemima's last sleeve, and, come to think of it, really need to do the sleeves on Ben's sweater!

Stitches and Glass

Thanks for all the kind words about the sweater! It's about dry and I haven't yet measured it, because, frankly, I don't know I want to know! I'm going to have to pick up the pieces (in more ways than one), because it's all over the floor, and one sweater takes up about a quarter of my living space. (Seriously). My family are coming today to help me organize more stuff, so I have to get it off the floor, and we'll see.

The post did make me realize something, there are some crazy bitches who read this blog. I thought I was crazy! CUT THE SWEATER?!! What, in my months of posting mediocre knitting, made you think I would even begin to ATTEMPT such a thing?! Honestly, you're not helping my craziness here. Although I'm touched you think I could pull it off! :)

I ordered some stitch markers I'd been coveting on Etsy for a while, and I could not be happier with them! Here are some photos, the detailing is amazing.


Woodpecker



Bluejay

I once had a pet bluejay, and even though they're sort of the hooligans of the bird world, I have a tendre for them. Isn't his little face adorable?


Chikadee


Goldfinch
This was hard to capture, because of the vivid yellow, which doesn't really translate here. Goldfinches mean a lot to me, because when Adam died, I think he sent me messages with Goldfinches. More on that another time.


And finally, the Cardinal. I love Cardinals. When I crushed my ankle the spring before Ad was killed, I had to stay on the couch with my foot over my heart for almost 4 months. Adam came home the first week with a little birdfeeder that looked like our house. He hung it in the tree right outside the window, so I could watch the birds. And I fell in love with a Cardinal who came, and ate, and brought a lady friend, and I watched their babies grow up, too. They come every year, and every time I hear his bright "Chirp!" I think of Adam.




I am enormously pleased with these, they were made by seller "Wee Ones" and I'll definitely be back for more.

Finally, here is a sneak peak at another mosiac project I started over a month ago and am getting finished up.

Random Musings

First, I want to thank you all for your very kind comments. I'm looking forward to drawing someone's name for the gift certificate tomorrow! Also, I'll be having a silk garden scrap giveaway in the coming weeks, and there is a lot of scrappage to send out. SO stay tuned for that one.

On the knitting front, I'm knitting like a crazy person. Crazy in that I am working on a shitload of projects, all at once, and also, let's face it, I'm a little crazy. Don't feel like knitting the sleeves for Ben's sweater? Back to the front of Jemima, sick of Stockinette stitch? Let's finish the hood on the sweatshirt (the yarn I needed to finish came in today!). And I'm wrapping up the Jewel toned Lady E, and getting ready to crochet the edge on the nature-toned one. I've also just cast on for the Cobblestone sweater for R. Always wanted to make him a sweater when we were dating, but didn't because of the curse. But now it's safe, so I've got 13 skeins of Skye Tweed with his name on them.

I've also been thinking about sock knitting more lately. I keep coming across socks you all have knit, and thinking I really should make a pair. They still scare me, a little. Maybe it's because I've never seen/held/worn a pair of handknit socks? Maybe. I don't know, but I suspect this winter I'll casting on my first pair.

I'm taking a private lesson in seaming this week, for my sister's sweater. It's my first seaming, and I really don't want to fuck this up. I have four doctors appointments this week, so I'm squeezing it in between all of that good fun.

The thing about my own knitting, is I'm never really happy with the way things I make turn out, with the exception of scarves and shawls. Oh, and hats. Those I am good at, but sweaters? Not so much. I just feel like everything looks like crap. But it's ok, it'll get better, I hope.


So, as many of you know, tomorrow would have been Adam's 35th birthday. I still can't believe he's gone. I really can't. I mean, I don't often actually expect him to walk through the door much anymore, and I've accepted that he's not in MY life, but the reality that he's just not here, not here... it's really hard to explain. If you'd met him, you'd know what I mean. The guy who drove us to the airport, twice- he got all teary when he came to get me solo and asked where Adam was. The guy who came this year to turn on my sprinklers was really upset... people who seriously only met him once have been really upset when they hear he was killed. He just made such an impression. I just miss him, so much.

The really wonderful thing about love is how totally complete it can make you feel. And the thing about having it taken from you is how utterly and totally hollow it leaves you. I have never felt so completely alone. So totally hollow. I'm seeing a psychiatrist this week, going back on antidepressants. No one should cry as much as I do, and my house is a pit. It's like I walk in, and my first thought is I've been robbed, the place has been tossed- ransacked- but no, that's how it is. And that's not normal. I mean, it's not the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen or done, but enough is enough, you know? Tomorrow, as my gift to Adam, I'm going to try and get a lot of sorting done. It's really hard, because a lot of it are his things, or large files like his hospital records and autopsy reports and things which are just in large piles, because it rips my fucking heart out to even look at that stuff, but I have to do it. It's time. And I'd rather really do anything except what I'm going to try and get done tomorrow. My parents offered to come and help me, but I don't want them to see how totally distraught the process will make me. I'm all sorts of messed up.

But I'll get better. I'm working on it. I'm a work in progress. Like my knitting.

Digging In

I am still knitting along on Jemima. I've also ordered a bit more yarn, in the same dyelot,to finish Moose's sweater. In the meantime, I've been working on the "Big Digger Sweater" from Lucinda Guy's "Handknits for Kids"

I obviously need to do some practicing with intarsia, but I don't think it looks awful, and hopefully blocking will smooth it out.
The instructions for this sweater are a bit more ambiguous than I'd like. But I'm a needy knitter. I like things really spelled out. And there are no "finished measurements" which makes me kind of wonder how to best go about blocking this sucker. But we'll see.

Here are a couple of pics. The digger in the book has a "scoop" in a different color, but I decided to do it all in yellow. There will be some embroidery (wheel, tires, accents, etc) to come.


This is the front.


The stripes are light blue, but because it's late and I needed to use the flash, they look white. Actually, they look a bit lighter than I'd like without the flash, but "light blue" is Ben's favorite color, so I had to nip some in, someplace!

Here is the back-





And here is a real close up, so you can see how lousy my knitting looks, up close!



I've finished the earth toned Lady E. I need to do the crochet edge (need to learn crochet) and figure out the fiddly fringe, but she's all bound off. Interestingly, when blocking it, I realised there was a dropped stitch in the middle of one of the squares. Based on where it is, I'm guessing this was about the time of the trial, but my solution was to pull the stitches back up and through. Then I took some yarn in a similar color and just wove it through the back end, as if it were an end piece. I wove my way over to the dropped stitch, looped it tightly through that stitch and continued weaving. Not ideal, but hopefully it'll work. I'm sure as hell not going to rip back all that entrelac! If you have any other ideas/ suggestions as to how to fasten off that errant stitch, I'd love to hear them.

So that's all for now, more pics of Jemima and other knits soon.

Rippit

Headed to the frog pond is the Sweatshirt sleeve. Ugh. Pattern is a 10 row repeat and it said to increase every 6th row. Which I took to mean "every row 6" but which of course, as written, meant every 6th row. I'm such an ass.

Here is the sleeve, to be ripped. Was 3/4 done.


Pardon the flash, but it's in the living room and it's getting dark! Just wanted to show you what I did today, as I'll have nothing to show for it tomorrow!

The pattern reading I find frustrating. I need patterns writers to be VERY specific. Even on patterns where they are praised for clear instructions, it isn't always clear to me!

WIPs

Here is Jemima, the back side, cast off. My tubular cast on is crap and looks wonky, but will hopefully even out when I block it!

At the same time, I am working on Not Your Standard Issue Sweatshirt, Take 2.
Here's progress on that- it's for my sister.



Lots of seed stitch...



And cables.




Both knit in comforting, yet grey yarn. Fitting.

It's better than booze, right?

So, things have been stressful lately. And I'm getting sick. Sick and stressed. Sick of being stressed. Sick because I'm stressed? Who the fuck knows. But know this, when stressed, buy yarn. Buy a lot of yarn, and do it as fast as you fucking can. And so. Today's purchases.

First, I've ordered this pattern-




Jemima.


And I ordered the yarn, or what I thought was the right yarn. Hopefully this will work out- I was meant to order RYC Cashsoft DK, but ordered Aran by accident. Hopefully I can make it work.

I ordered it in this color-





So what else did I order?
Stumbled across a great e-bay seller and went a little nuts...
Several skeins of these for the Lady Eleanor-

I'll have to pick the turquoise out, but love the rust shades-


Also, how gorgeous is this?




And,





Finally, I have been going back and forth on this, and just decided to go for it, so I bought 4 skeins of Lion and Lamb to make myself a Clapotis. The colorway is Aslan




Now I wait for it to be delivered. Waiting on a lot of things, actually, but this one I'll look forward to arriving.

Still Knitting...

I'm still knitting!


A while ago, I asked here, and on Knitty, for people to please send me little odds and ends of Silk Garden, if they had some. And they did! Along with the 7 skeins I've bought so far, I'm using them to make a Lady Eleanor. The problem was, I wanted something in earth tones, because I am making this for myself, and it is the first thing I have made for myself in years. Silk Garden is one of my favorite yarns, but man, they sometimes really fuck up a color palette, you know what I'm saying? Brown next to fluorescent pink? Not so much. So, like the crazy person I am, I am picking through and taking only the bursts of color I want for this project, and am tucking the really bright colors aside for a to-be-determined later project.

Enough with the rambling- have a look at some photos. It's in progress!











Can you see my hair trapped in there? Honestly, I feel sometimes, like I am knitting with as much of my own hair as yarn...


Here are some of my little picked through balls, ready for knitting, with my favorite mug- you like?



So that's it for now. Taking a break from baby knitting, and making something I hope to wear a lot this fall.

Result!

The Blanket of Doom pales in comparison to Sam, but he seems to like it! :)
Sam seems really happy with the blanket...







The Blanket of Doom pales in comparison to Sam, but he seems to like it! :)

Here he is in the hat I made him- Blue Sky Cotton


And here he is, at his Bris, wearing the yarmulke I knit him. Hard to see, but it's a lovely photo with his grandfather holding him and the Rabbi blessing him.





And here he is with Auntie Annie. 2 Nephews. How blessed am I?
Life is good.


(PS- he's totally going for my breast there, but they were found somewhat lacking!:) )

Hand Knit Yarmulke/Kippah and endless pinning...

Pinning is underway- and laborious, to say the least! I'm using the star fabric- fingers crossed.

In the meantime, here's a teeny little baby kippah for the bris on Tuesday. I made it using Sarah Gilbert's Shining Star hat pattern, modifying it somewhat. Hopefully it'll work. I used Black Pearl cashmere yarn, and it took 4 or 5 attempts for me to get it more or less shaped the way I wanted it, but here it is- again, it's like night here, so apologies for the crappy photos!






It's the first yarmukle I've knit, and I'm going to do at least one more on the train, in case it doesn't fit, or what have you... hopefully it'll work- I'm happy with it!

I'm thinking I'll use some ribbon and attach it to the sides so we can keep it on little Sam's head, but we'll wing that, probably!